Monday, November 28, 2011

For Instance.

Every now and then I wish that my blog was private. That I could say whatever I wanted to say and not worry about what people would think or how it would make them feel.  I know that some of you are probably thinking that I already do that, but believe it or not, I don't.  I have a few blogs that have been deleted or moved.  Sparing those I love from hurt feelings or tough memories.  Sometimes I write and I realize that not everyone really wants to know what I think ALL of the time ;). Today is one of those days.  Today I want to write about some things that fire me up.  I want to write about what disappoints me in some of the people that I love.  I want to write about what I want for others and why I could just shake the hell out of the ones that will not listen to me.

I am not perfect.  I have made more mistakes then I care to remember or to talk about.  Some of you know many of them and could help me remember.  ;)  I don't pretend to have all of the answers but there are a few things that I do know.

For instance:
If you live in a state of intoxication whether it is from drugs or alcohol, there is no way to find all of the happiness that is out there for you. 
If you live in the past, you miss the present. 
If you don't forgive, you will never forget. 
Smoking kills you. 
Without Jesus you will not go to heaven.  Period. That does not make me biased, it makes me right. 
I don't want to be your friend if you are not good to your friends. 
Do not tell me you are going to do something and not do it. 
You should always take up for your spouse. 
You should never, ever, ever, talk ugly to your mama.
Sometimes your kids are right and you are wrong. 
People die. 
Heaven is real. 
So is hell and if you do not have Jesus in your heart, you are going to spend eternity there. 
No one is perfect except Jesus. 
You have never done more than you can be forgiven for. 
Boundaries are good, even for family. 
Your siblings are the only ones that know exactly how you feel about your childhood.
When you are lost, you should listen to the ones that love you the most. 
Asking for help shows strength and pride is a weakness. 
Not money, or looks, or things, can make you happy. 
Disrespect in a marriage rears children that show disrespect. 
If you drink in front of your kids, expect your kids to drink. 
If you cuss in front of your kids, expect your kids to cuss. 
If you smoke in front of your kids, expect your kids to smoke. 
If you have an unhealthy Godless marriage, expect your kids to have the same. 
Your kids are always watching and listening and looking to you to show them what will make them happy. 
If you are over 20 and still using your childhood as an excuse for your failures, you need to take a looong look in the mirror. 
If you are over 25 and still live at home without contributing, you need to get a life. 
Your parents are not responsible for your adult failures, you are old enough to know right from wrong and make corrections where they failed you. 
You should always say thank you when someone does something for you. 
Loving somebody should not stop because they fail you.
Always pray, never stop, God answers in his own time. 

Okay I am done with my rant.  Sometimes a girl just has to say a few things!! 


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving.  A day to be thankful.  A day to sit back and remember all that the Lord has given you.  A day with family and friends, full of good food and memories.  A day that comes once a year to remind us what we should be doing the other 364 days of the year, giving thanks to an Almighty God that has given us so much more than we have ever deserved. 

This year I will spend Thanksgiving with my Alabama Family.  And even though I will miss my Georgia Family terribly, I am very much looking forward to my holiday.  It is hard to pass up Nana's food and time with Papaw.  It is hard to complain about spending time with two of my favorite men on the planet and my little sister. Yes, it will be crowded and yes it will be hard to keep these two crazy kids on any type of schedule.  But it will be worth it. 

I sit back and part of me wants to tell you everything I am thankful for and I realize that there is not enough time in the day or typing in my fingers to list them all.  So instead I sit here and smile that I am so blessed that I cannot. I think of my mom and dad who are my strength. My siblings that are the core of who I am and why I am.  My cousins that are like sisters and Sam that is like no other.  I think of my friends that make my heart warm and have loved me for longer than I could ever deserve. The ones that love me, that listen to me, and that at times tolerate me in all of my boldness because they know my heart.  The other family that God blessed me with.  The parents that he gave me at a time in my life that I needed a second set.  The unexpected miracle that he gave us so that Christmas will be exactly what we love about it.  The brothers and sister that came with that family that are nothing short of wonderful.  The unexpected friendship and second brother that He gave me.  The little sister that I never had and the mother of my husband that is my children's Nana. Everyone should have a Nana and it makes me smile thinking of my own. 

I think of the ones that are my everyday.  The ones that know what is going on in my home right now, and care about the little things.  The ones that call, that text, that laugh and cry with us as we live.  You know who you are.  I think of answered prayers that we look over everyday because at times all we can see is the loss that we have suffered in the last two years.  I think of the boy that blessed us more than we could have ever imagined.  I look at his sisters and it is hard for me to breathe.  It is hard for me to understand why He would give me these two perfect, beautiful children, one that is her mama and one that is her daddy.  But He did and I am grateful for every fight, every fit, every mess, every minute.  I smile at the man that He sent me.  The one that changed my heart, my faith, my life.  The one that has made my life such that if it ended today, it would have already been so much more than I ever could have imagined or deserve.  Thankful, grateful, these are words that cannot even touch on describing what each of you mean to me. 

There is an God in heaven that gives us salvation.  That takes away all of our sin.  That tells us that if we believe, we will be blessed beyond comprehension.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16.  Eternal life in a kingdom where there is no pain, no suffering, no hurt, no tears.  All of this and still if we give our heart to Him and follow Him he answers our prayers and blesses us on this earth.  I know this because I am living proof.  I have all that I could want and more than I could have ever dreamed and I was so lost.  Those that lived that part of my life with me know.  They know that I do not deserve what I have.  They know I did not earn any of these blessings and that my "what I am thankful for" list should be much, much shorter.  But here I am. Thankful, blessed, forgiven, because of a God that is merciful and shows grace beyond comprehension.  Amen. 

I pray each of you has a Happy Thanksgiving.  That the Lord blessed you and your family with safe travels and good food.  That your prayers will be answered and your hearts will be healed.  And I thank you. Thank you for being a part of my life, for changing it each in your own way.  You are all a part of my heart and a great blessing to me.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Dear 2560 Tom Anderson Road,

I wanted to write to you purely out of respect for what you have meant to us over the last two years.  You see even though our relationship has been rocky, you have indeed served your purpose to our family.  You have provided shelter to our children.  You have provided heat when it was cold (well with exception of a few weeks that first winter) and cool air in the summer months.  You have given me a place to bake for my friends and family, to prepare meals for us to eat, to do laundry, shower and all of the other things a good house does for you.  And for that and all of the good memories that you have given us with our girls, I thank you.  For these reasons I wanted to let you know that our time together is coming to an end. 

Yes, I know it is hard to believe but we have decided that it is time to take our things and our children and move on.  I am sure that there is a little place inside you (probably buried underneath that damn red and white bathroom) that thinks that some how, in some way, you have won the war that was waged between you and I in October of 2009.  I am here to tell you that you have not.  No, no my friend, I will leave this house with its rotting doors and termite infested porch with my head held high.  I will walk away from the memories of backed up septic, flooding hot water heaters, and mice infestation smiling all the while knowing that it is I who won the war and you only won a few major battles.  

You see that bathroom where my boy was born, where our fourth child was lost, where I slept on the floor at least 4 times sicker than I have been in the last ten years, that bathroom is where I came closer to Jesus than I have ever been in my entire life.  That is where He met me when I cried out over and over again in sickness and in sadness.  That is where I realized that I really "can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength".  

And this living room that I have sat in over and over again begging the sweetest man alive to take me home, He used this living room and those conversations to show us that Genesis 50:20 is absolutely true.  "What you intended to harm me with, God intended for good, to save many".  And so everyday my sweet Doc would get up and go back to that practice and change lives in the name of Jesus despite what the enemy was doing here.  And everyday we would be reminded that God has put us exactly where He wants us to be. 

You see 2560 Tom Anderson Road, though I have felt defeated, lonely and lost more often than I care to remember over the last couple of years, I have also felt more joy, had stronger faith and learned more about my Savior than I have ever known.  This is why you lose and I win. 

Soon we will find a new home for our girls and we will pack our things into the 37 boxes that we have saved over the last two years anticipating this day.  I will sweep the world's whitest kitchen floor one last time.  I will clean off the porch sprayed with opossum blood and covered in dust, praying one more time that the floor does not fall out from under me.  We will drive the 48 inch lawn mower out of the shed and laugh at the God forsaken field getting higher and higher as we load it into the U-Haul. I wipe down the red and white bathroom floor that has held my slumber more than once.  Pray that all of the crayon comes off of the walls.  I will praise Jesus for the hardwoods during potty training as I mop them with vinegar.  We will leave a bowl of food for every damn cat in the neighborhood that comes to eat on our front porch and let Beauty say her goodbyes as we load her and only her up for the move.  We will spray the chalk off of the sidewalk and take the trash to the convenience center one more time and then we will stop. 

We will look around at this empty house that was such a blessing at a time when we thought things could not get worse, laughing at what seemed bad when all of this started.   We will remember Presley as she was 5 months when we moved in, we will smile about how big Kat has gotten and maybe even cry a little. But don't get your hopes up 2560 Tom Anderson Road, because it is not you that we will miss.  It is not the loose cabinets and mis-sized doors that will bring the tears. It is the memories, the years that have gone by, the time that is forever over that we will miss.  You, my friend the turd, we will leave smiling.  So get ready, I am on a mission and your time is short. 


ps.  Romans 8:31