Friday, April 22, 2011

He is not here: for He is risen.

The best way I can say it is that the last week at the Hall house, well it has been hell.  We have had puke in the dining room of Cracker Barrel, we have had poop in the car seat 30 miles from home,  I have had a lap full of diarrhea that was not my own, we have washed and bathed and scrubbed everything in the house including the car seat, ourselves and our sweet three year old who has spent a week fighting her first stomach bug.   Yesterday was the first day that she woke up with a smile on her face and at 10 am Evil Knievel (aka Presley) dove from the ottoman to the couch and missed.  The child hasn't walked since.  I have been tired and ill and hungry and frustrated and sad.  I have fought with my sweet husband, slept on the couch with my sick baby, missed small group, spent a day without a shower, carried around a 20 month old, laughed, cried, cooked, cleaned, prayed, begged, screamed and surrendered all about 100 times this week.  Until today. 

When I woke up today with my house a wreck, my baby that still cannot walk, my three year old that was too full of energy because she hasn't been out of the house in a week, I was immediately reminded, humbled, ashamed of my absurd complaints.  Flashes of the cross, scripture, reality of what was and what is to come filled my every thought.   My Savior, his sacrifice, my Father and His, the loss, the death, the torture, the sin, the pain, the miracle, all of it was right in my face just as it should be and I praised Him. 

Many years ago, our God, my God sent His Son to die for me.  The thought of sending one of my children to die for anyone, much less everyone else's mistakes, greed, gluttony, shame, pride, seems not only ridiculous to me but honestly I can assure you that I would not do it.  I have already lost a son and I can say in all of my selfishness that if given the choice of you or him, I would have picked him every time.  But that is where the miracle is right?  That is what makes God, well God.  His mercy, His love, His grace, His forgiveness are all of the things that make Him our Savior and us just people who need to be saved! 

Jesus died for me, because I am selfish.  Because I refuse to sacrifice what I love for anyone or anything on this earth.  He knew.  He knew before I was ever born that I would be a sinner, a proud, selfish, gluttonous, greedy, sinner.  And He was right.  I want to eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it.  I want all of the things that make me comfortable and happy.  I want my kids to be healthy.  The fact that my kids are okay, my marriage is intact, my life is working out, that is really what matters to me.  Isn't that true for all of us??  Let me ask those of you who are parents, would you let your baby die so that I could go to heaven?  Or forget that, would you lose your home so that I could go to heaven?  Would you give up your marriage for my soul?  Okay you don't have to answer but I know and you know what the answer is.  And so my friends, that is why He died, because He knew we wouldn't.  That is why He suffered so, because He knew we couldn't. 

Our God is a just God.  He sent His son to pay for all the sin that was and all of the sin that is to come.  That is why Christ had to suffer and die the way He did, to pay for ALL of the sin, not just mine or yours. The reality of it really makes you think doesn't it?  If I sit and consider it long enough I feel ashamed.  But the truth is He never expected us to do it, He was going to do it all along.  Why? Because He is Love.  And think of what you would do for the people you love the most, for your children.

I am one of those crazy moms.  I am always thinking of escape plans, emergency exits, what to do in case of ( insert tragedy/emergency here).  I have a plan in case the car is thrown into a lake with the girls in it.  I have a plan if someone breaks into the house when Doc is out of town.  I am certain that if Doc and I were stuck under a tree that has fallen on the house in a storm, I could break both of my legs, wiggle my way out and drag myself to the girls room to save them.  I know how I would cover them both with my own body if a dog attacked while we were out walking and honestly, (yes I know this sounds ridiculous) I think I could kill the dog with my hands.  Now maybe I could or maybe I couldn't but I would die trying.  You are probably laughing, but what parent wouldn't do ANYTHING to save their children!!??

So what if I said to you, "You know Kathryne and Presley are sinners and I love them so much that I cannot bear to spend eternity without them.  So I have decided that I am going to sacrifice my next child for them."  You would look at me like I was crazy.  Anyone would.  But at what cost would you send your children to Hell?  That was God's choice right?  It was let Jesus die for all of us, or all of us go to Hell.  What a choice to make.

 How would you pick which child dies for the rest of them?  I don't know.  What I do know is that I am in awe of a Father that is capable of that and that is willing to follow through with it.  I am humbled at the man that was beaten to a pulp and then hung by nails on a cross to die for me.  I am overwhelmed by the miracle of the resurrection showing the world that He is who He says He is.  I am forever grateful for all of this and for Holy Spirit that lives inside of me because I believe and I have faith that Jesus was the Son of the One and Only God and He died so that I can live forever. 

I pray that today you too will be reminded.  I pray that in your longing, suffering, mourning, wanting,  complacency, you will be reminded what He did for you and for me.  I pray that His death will humble you and His resurrection will fill you with joy and hope.  I wish you all a Happy Easter and encourage you to praise Him for who He is and more importantly what He did for all of us. 

Matt 28:5-6 And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified.   He is not here: for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.

Love and Blessings,

Friday, April 8, 2011

Isaiah 25:8

Today my heart is heavy, my soul is tired, my faith is tested and the world around me keeps on going.  As I sit here at our Raggedy Anne and Andy table on a chair that is too small for my four pregnancy behind I sigh and wipe tears at the reality that is the new life of some of the ones I love.  I feel lost as I have prayed incessantly for their families and yet today the Hudson's bury their sweet Harrison and today one of my best girls woke up without her mama.  I can't help but question God's timing and wonder where he was this week.  If I am completely honest, I don't understand any part of either plan.  Of course I still trust, I still believe, I still walk faithfully.  Yet it takes me back to March of last year when I was in my own hell wondering where God was.  I have to imagine that two of the families that I care about are wondering the same today. 

I realize that there are moments where we all question, where we all wonder what He is thinking.  And though that makes me feel better about my own doubts, I still hang my head in shame. 

Isaiah 25:8  tells us "He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken."

Psalm 34:18 tells us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

Today I am praying for the faces and hearts of the people that I love.  The faces that are drowning in tears and the hearts that feels as if they will forever be broken.  I pray that He is there with them, wiping away their tears and holding them close.  I mourn the loss of baby Harrison and Mama Peeples and I wish I was closer to help or hold or hug as those that loved them the most greive. 
I sit and I weep for their loss and wish that I did not understand, but I do.  I understand completely what if feels like to love someone with your whole being and to have them taken from you too soon.  I understand all to well what it feels like to have your life changed in a moment;  a single, chaotic, uncontrollable moment that flashes like a nightmare rather than a reality.  Once again the reality that we are not in control slaps me right in the face.  Once again He shows me that His will is the only way.  Once again I am humbled at the reality of His greatness and His power. 
As I go into the afternoon that starts a weekend of new life for these families I can think only about the ones I love the most.  I am so thankful for every moment that I have with them.  I am so humbled that He has blessed me with my family and friends.  I am so grateful that, though loss has touched us so closely, He has spared so many that I love. 
Today I will hug my babies tight and tell my parents I love them.  Today my heart will break along with the Hudson family as they lay their boy to rest this afternoon.  Today I will shed more tears for my sweet girl than she will ever know.  I will do all of this and I will praise Him with my whole heart for all that He has done and all that He has yet to do in my life and in theirs.  
Love and Blessings Friends,
Please lift us the Hudson and Davis/Peeples families with me!!