The best way I can say it is that the last week at the Hall house, well it has been hell. We have had puke in the dining room of Cracker Barrel, we have had poop in the car seat 30 miles from home, I have had a lap full of diarrhea that was not my own, we have washed and bathed and scrubbed everything in the house including the car seat, ourselves and our sweet three year old who has spent a week fighting her first stomach bug. Yesterday was the first day that she woke up with a smile on her face and at 10 am Evil Knievel (aka Presley) dove from the ottoman to the couch and missed. The child hasn't walked since. I have been tired and ill and hungry and frustrated and sad. I have fought with my sweet husband, slept on the couch with my sick baby, missed small group, spent a day without a shower, carried around a 20 month old, laughed, cried, cooked, cleaned, prayed, begged, screamed and surrendered all about 100 times this week. Until today.
When I woke up today with my house a wreck, my baby that still cannot walk, my three year old that was too full of energy because she hasn't been out of the house in a week, I was immediately reminded, humbled, ashamed of my absurd complaints. Flashes of the cross, scripture, reality of what was and what is to come filled my every thought. My Savior, his sacrifice, my Father and His, the loss, the death, the torture, the sin, the pain, the miracle, all of it was right in my face just as it should be and I praised Him.
Many years ago, our God, my God sent His Son to die for me. The thought of sending one of my children to die for anyone, much less everyone else's mistakes, greed, gluttony, shame, pride, seems not only ridiculous to me but honestly I can assure you that I would not do it. I have already lost a son and I can say in all of my selfishness that if given the choice of you or him, I would have picked him every time. But that is where the miracle is right? That is what makes God, well God. His mercy, His love, His grace, His forgiveness are all of the things that make Him our Savior and us just people who need to be saved!
Jesus died for me, because I am selfish. Because I refuse to sacrifice what I love for anyone or anything on this earth. He knew. He knew before I was ever born that I would be a sinner, a proud, selfish, gluttonous, greedy, sinner. And He was right. I want to eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it. I want all of the things that make me comfortable and happy. I want my kids to be healthy. The fact that my kids are okay, my marriage is intact, my life is working out, that is really what matters to me. Isn't that true for all of us?? Let me ask those of you who are parents, would you let your baby die so that I could go to heaven? Or forget that, would you lose your home so that I could go to heaven? Would you give up your marriage for my soul? Okay you don't have to answer but I know and you know what the answer is. And so my friends, that is why He died, because He knew we wouldn't. That is why He suffered so, because He knew we couldn't.
Our God is a just God. He sent His son to pay for all the sin that was and all of the sin that is to come. That is why Christ had to suffer and die the way He did, to pay for ALL of the sin, not just mine or yours. The reality of it really makes you think doesn't it? If I sit and consider it long enough I feel ashamed. But the truth is He never expected us to do it, He was going to do it all along. Why? Because He is Love. And think of what you would do for the people you love the most, for your children.
I am one of those crazy moms. I am always thinking of escape plans, emergency exits, what to do in case of ( insert tragedy/emergency here). I have a plan in case the car is thrown into a lake with the girls in it. I have a plan if someone breaks into the house when Doc is out of town. I am certain that if Doc and I were stuck under a tree that has fallen on the house in a storm, I could break both of my legs, wiggle my way out and drag myself to the girls room to save them. I know how I would cover them both with my own body if a dog attacked while we were out walking and honestly, (yes I know this sounds ridiculous) I think I could kill the dog with my hands. Now maybe I could or maybe I couldn't but I would die trying. You are probably laughing, but what parent wouldn't do ANYTHING to save their children!!??
So what if I said to you, "You know Kathryne and Presley are sinners and I love them so much that I cannot bear to spend eternity without them. So I have decided that I am going to sacrifice my next child for them." You would look at me like I was crazy. Anyone would. But at what cost would you send your children to Hell? That was God's choice right? It was let Jesus die for all of us, or all of us go to Hell. What a choice to make.
How would you pick which child dies for the rest of them? I don't know. What I do know is that I am in awe of a Father that is capable of that and that is willing to follow through with it. I am humbled at the man that was beaten to a pulp and then hung by nails on a cross to die for me. I am overwhelmed by the miracle of the resurrection showing the world that He is who He says He is. I am forever grateful for all of this and for Holy Spirit that lives inside of me because I believe and I have faith that Jesus was the Son of the One and Only God and He died so that I can live forever.
I pray that today you too will be reminded. I pray that in your longing, suffering, mourning, wanting, complacency, you will be reminded what He did for you and for me. I pray that His death will humble you and His resurrection will fill you with joy and hope. I wish you all a Happy Easter and encourage you to praise Him for who He is and more importantly what He did for all of us.
Matt 28:5-6 And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here: for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.
Love and Blessings,