Friday, October 29, 2010

An Awesome God.

I was talking to a friend today about life.  In the conversation I told her that we all have our cross to bear and though some are heavier than others, some have thorns, and some are on fire, everyone has one.  I thought about my cross and how heavy and awkward it seems today.  I thought about my life, my past and my present.  I looked around my house and at my girls and realized something I had not realized before.  Some of us are carrying crosses that are heavy because of the extra load of burden that we have tied to it.  I am some of us. 

What would happen if we dropped that extra baggage off at the nearest dump?  What would our lives be like then? Think about it.  What if, like we are supposed too, we really gave all of the crap from the past (for lack of a better word and by better I mean shit) to God?  What if we went to His feet, which He has offered as our dump, and dropped off the abuse from our childhood, the stupidity from our adolescence, the plethora of bad decisions we made in college?  What if we dropped off our first marriage, our second and third marriage, our infidelity, our shame, our lies, our deception, our loss....what would our lives, my life, be like then.  Here I am claiming to be a believer, to trust with all of my heart and soul, to love my Lord with all that I am everyday and yet still I carry a cross with a bag full of loss and sadness tied to it. 

Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Psalm 55:22 NLT

I believe this scripture with all of my heart.  I really do.  Yet daily I struggle with my burdens.  Our Lord does not promise us a life free of struggles, yet scripture tell us to lay our burdens at His feet, pick up our cross, and keep walking on the path He has set before us.  If we could do this, if I could do this, what a difference it would make in my life and the lives of my loved ones.  Learning to let Him have our pain and our shame is at a level of trust that I have yet to master.  Some days I am able to give it all to him and carry my sweet, bulky cross into the day before me.  Other days I wake up barely able to lift my cross that feels as if it is seven feet tall and two hundred pounds.  Those are the days that I do not trust, the days that my sadness and frustrations with my past is stronger than my faith.  Those are the days that I hang my head and cry in both sadness for my loss and shame for my lack of trust in a heavenly Father that has done the unimaginable for me. 

I want so badly to wake up everyday and lug around my sweet, bulky cross that He has given me all the while leaving the past behind me.  I am so blessed that the cross that He gave me to carry has no thorns and is not on fire. I know people who carry one with thorns that is burning from end to end.  People that have been through the unimaginable.  People that have earned the right to just put theirs down and surrender to their nightmares.  These are the people I should be praying for.  Not for myself.  Not for my sad heart or my tired soul.  I should be grateful that my loss is minimal compared to others and my soul is well rested compared to many.  I know that.  I would be lying to you if I said that I remember that everyday, because I don't. 

All of us, whether we are faithful believers or seeking the Lord, have days that we doubt.  We all have days that we fall short of His glory.  Yet it is on those days that His glory shines the brightest.  This, my friends, is what makes my God an awesome God. 


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

There went October!

I am amazed and frightened at how quickly October came and went!  This weekend will bring an end to the month and a beginning to the holidays that seem to go by like a single Christmas morning.  The month itself has been wonderful in comparison to every other month that we have had since our move to Franklin TN.  I have been healthy, we have made new friends, entertained, enjoyed the wonderful weather and watched the girls play and grow right before our eyes.  It has been uneventful as far as the Hall life goes and we are so grateful for that!!

This entry finds me on the day after a WONDERFUL trip to the beach with my girls and my mama.  We went to Panama City for  five beautiful nights and I cannot remember a better beach trip since my honeymoon.  I am not sure if it was the timing of the trip or the trip itself, but whatever it was I am so grateful to my husband for encouraging me to go, my mama for going with me and my God for timing it just right.  The weather was perfect, the condo was just the right size, the girls were wonderful and had so much fun and the company was low key and offered no stress ;) it was so perfect for my tired soul.   

So here we are back in Franklin on a cool and breezy fall day  The girls are happy to be home but frustrated that our little stray kitty "Beauty" is no where to be seen.   I am praying she shows in the next few days.  We have a busy week filled with community groups, pumpkin patches, BBQs and Halloween.  It should be fun!! God is doing great things in our lives right now.  The girls are healthy and growing up.  It makes me want another baby so badly!! (Don't panic, not yet!).  The business has been blessed and is growing everyday.  And our family as a whole is happy and content.  What more could we ask for?  I am scared to ask!! ;)

There is a presence in our lives, a feeling that we have yet to touch on what God wants us to do as a family.  Doc and I both feel it.  We are just praying that it is revealed to us in His time.  We are trying to keep open minds and open hearts.  Selfishly I think we both have our own idea of what we hope it includes, like more babies :)  But truthfully we know that we are ready for whatever he has in store for us and are looking forward to a new season.

Here comes Thanksgiving, we will be in Atlanta with my family and then it will be Christmas in Alabama.  I am looking forward to family time, but not the chaos of traveling as much as we will be!!  Doc has two weekends coming up that we are going to stay home and we are hoping that one of them includes two special visitors for us! ;)  I am keeping my fingers crossed. 

I am praying for many of you and am so grateful that you care enough about us to read.  I hope this finds you all healthy and happy and looking forward to the holidays ahead!!


Monday, October 4, 2010

Bicuits and Gravy

October.  Wow.  This morning I realized that it has been a year this month since we moved into this house.  A year.  A year that flew by.  A year that was filled with life changing events.  A year that changed our marriage, our hearts, our faith, and our lives forever.  The year that we opened our business.  The year that we found our church. The year that we had our son, and the year that we lost him.  The year that will mark the birth of two of our children and the year that Jesus took them both home.  A year that will go down in the books as one of the longest, one of the shortest, one of the hardest, one of the happiest and one of the most tragic years that we have lived thus far.  2010 will not be forgotten in the Hall house but I assure you that we will be welcoming 2011 with open arms. 

Today is October 4th.  It's the birthday of one of my oldest and dearest friends.  If I were home I am sure that we would be planning a night out together with  three of our closest friends.  They are planning, I am in TN wishing I could go.  Slowly I am accepting that this is my home now.  That there will be moments missed and events that we cannot make.  But I know that we will have our own parties, our own moments that we will share with the people around us.  Is it the same?  No.  But that doesn't mean it's not equally as wonderful, just different. 

As the end of the year comes at me like a hurricane, I see the holidays in the distance.  I realize that this year I will be home for Thanksgiving, but not for Christmas.  This year Christmas will be spent in Alabama.  This will be the first Christmas in 35 years that I do not see my parents, my sister, or my brother.  The first year in a long time that I miss the flank steak and twice baked potatoes at the Stewart house.  It's a fitting end to 2010, the year of different and wonderful.  

It's cool here.  Winter is coming quick and we are trying our best to enjoy being outside as much as possible before cabin fever catches us!!  The last two weeks have been a lot of fun. We have made new friends, enjoyed Uncle Brett who came to visit us, planned a trip to the beach with Janet, and watched a lot of good football.  Our lives have been as close to normal as they have been since we have moved here.  It feels wonderful and like a ticking time bomb all at the same time! October - December bring a lot of trips for daddy and three or four for the girls and I.  It will be very busy!! I am praying for health and safe travels.  One thing that 2010 has taught me is that the rest really does not matter. 

There are a few things that are on my heart that I am trying to give to Him so that I can rest.  I know that He can do a lot better with them than I can.  I am praying incessantly that He will take them because truthfully they are not decisions that I can make or things that I can change. 

Matthew 6:33-34 Tell us:
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Amen!  This is what we are doing here in Franklin TN.  2010 has shown us that there is more truth to these verses than we ever realized.  I miss my little boy and the baby behind him. I realize now what a miracle these girls really are and I am trying my best to soak them up like gravy with a biscuit everyday and let tomorrow worry about itself. 

Love and Blessings,