Anger Management?

Understanding the Lord and His plans is something I have yet to master.  I try desperately to trust and move forward even on days when nothing makes sense.  I have had a lot of those days since our move to Franklin.  Days when I looked up in anger or sadness and shook my head blown away by what just happened.  Understand that I am in no way disillusioned, thinking that I should live a life without trial or tribulation.  Quite the contrary.  In all honesty my past and my blatant lack of obedience and faith that goes with it should all but leave me without blessing if you ask me.  However, as luck would have it we serve a Lord that is not a punisher, but quite the opposite. He is merciful. Amen.

I am sitting in  my "new home" in Franklin TN with about 1000 thoughts in my head 998 which seem to be negative.  It is late, I can hear my sweet husband snoring and my oldest moan occasionally.  I love this house. I love that I have no fear in this house, no memories that make my stomach hurt.  I love that I sleep soundly and that Kathryne runs through it without having to see me the whole time. It is a good house. One that is filled with love and the Lord. One that shall serve us well for a while I think. 

So why am I negative?  Honestly, sometimes I am just angry.  Angry that I have a little boy in heaven.  Angry that I drive a car fit for a large family and seem to be on track for a family for four.  Angry that I am surrounded by women that I love that are pregnant, knowing that in some way that makes them feel bad when they see or talk to me.  Angry that my body will not cooperate! That my health is not 100%! That my husband has spent three years trying to get me well both physically and emotionally and I am still not there!!  Angry that I don't have a church that I love here yet. Angry that I STILL do not love this town that is supposed to be one of the BEST places to live (according to who!?). But most of all, more than anything, I am angry that I am angry. 

I don't want to be angry.  I don't want to wonder why or question the plans of a God that has blessed me beyond measure.  I don't want to look around and only see what I cannot stand about Franklin TN.  I don't like myself when I see the bad rather than the good.  I try to cut myself a little slack.  Thankfully, my husband is willing too as well.  I get it, it is understandable that every now and then I just lose it.  I mean we have had one heck of a ride here.  And I have done my very best to stay in control, trust, have faith, move forward and be thankful.  Sometimes I just fail.  Today I have failed.  Today I want my boy.  I want my sister closer to me.  I want to eat lunch with my brother.  I want Sam to bring Ryan by for play time. Today I want to go see Wendy's new babies and hug Kelly on a coffee break.  Today I want my husband to work 40 hours instead of 60 and my mom to come help me fold clothes. And tomorrow I want to watch the Master's tournament with my dad. 

So there I said it.  It is late, I don't feel well, and my sister went home today.  Please don't judge me ;)

Tomorrow I will wake up.  I will make breakfast for two of the best kids the Lord ever created.  My mom will call and Sam will too.  I will meet one of my favorites for a play date and breathe some fresh air and all that is missing will seem far enough away not to sting. Why? Because I am right where I should be.  Right where He put me.  Right on His track.  And I am grateful that He loves me enough to write out a plan for me, because honestly I was doing a piss poor job on my own. ;)

Home, Vacation, Doc.

We finally have Internet!! Yay us!! So, to celebrate, I thought I would write. First things first, we are in our new house! We hit a few moving speed bumps, but we are in and remotely settled and we LOVE IT!! The girls seems at peace, Doc has gotten enough boxes unloaded not to drive himself crazy, and I have slowly been letting go of my past frustrations and celebrating a new home, a new start.

There are so many things that I could tell you about. The girls are fun, the practice is doing well, we are discussing many new beginnings in our family which have not been decided, and my health lacks a little but we are getting help with that. All of these things are pertinent to our life right now, but instead I am going to talk about Doc.

You see as I sit here in type in the home that costs us almost twice as much as the last one did, he works. And Tuesday when he sent me for a pedicure before my beach trip, he worked. And later when I will have lunch with my girls and maybe make a fun run to whole foods, he will work. And yesterday when we had friends over to play outside, he worked. And Monday when the three of us are on the beach with Janet, my sweet, sweet, husband will work. He will call and check on us and he will not complain, he will not jab about what I get to do and he doesn't, he will instead smile and giggle at the stories of the girls and if I know him say something like, "baby I am so glad you are having fun, you deserve it" and then he will go back to work. Yes, this is the man I married, be jealous, be very, very jealous.

I know so many women that are married, a lot of which get to stay home, and I wonder if they are as in awe of what their husbands do for them as I am. And then I think of the women I know that do not get to stay home and it makes me feel almost ashamed at the ease of the life the Lord has blessed me with and my husband provides. I am rotten. Yes there are women with more clothes, bigger homes, fancier vacations, prettier cars, but they are not married to my husband. You see this big house and my pretty toes are not what make me rotten, my husband is what makes me rotten. The way he treats us, the way he loves us, the way he provides for us unselfishly. We are all three ROTTEN to the core.

If I have said it once, I have said it a hundred times, "Kathryne, marry a man like your daddy baby girl. Trust me." She just looks at me and smiles. But the older she gets the more I will tell her and my sweet Presley Rose. Praying that they remember two things that I have hammered into them the most, "Jesus Loves You" and "Marry a man like your daddy". If they can get those two things, they will be just fine.

So today as it rains, I will pack. These girls will run and play and fight and I will play referee and put little swim suits in a bag. I will hunt down the life jackets and pick out the right movies. I will throw in a few pairs of shorts and some sunglasses for myself and we will be set to go. Sunday morning we will leave for the beach without daddy. I hope that he will use the day too nap and relax, but my guess is that he will work. Some because he needs to, some because he cannot stand it when we are gone. The truth is neither can we. We will go and spend 5 days with Janet and then Doc will join us for a much deserved short vacation!!! Oh how blessed we are.

If we had it our way daddy would be in the truck going with us Sunday. Heck, if we had it our way daddy would be home with us everyday. We miss him when he is gone and look forward to the minute he is home! But we will take Thursday to Saturday and all three of us will not be able to WAIT until he gets there!!! How hard it must be for him to have three girls totally and completely in love with him. ;)

So friends that is it for now, we are in the new house and soon we are heading to the beach, all by the grace of an amazing God and the hands of a man that is the greatest blessing this girl has ever seen. 

Have a great week, we sure will!!!
Melanie

p.s. (We love you bigger than the whole sky daddy!  Thank you.  Your Girls)

Golden Meadow Lane

Dear 116 Golden Meadow Lane,

I would like to introduce my family. We are the Hall's and we will be the family occupying you for the next couple of years.  My husband Shawn, myself and my two girls Kat and Presley are very excited to get to know you.  We come from Atlanta, Georgia and we have lived in Franklin for just under three years.  Three years that have been long and hard and fun and exciting all at the same time.  We are a good family, filled with love and Jesus.  We are happy most of the time, even on the bad days and we like easy.  Easy days, easy weeks, easy years.  We appreciate calmness and joy and we accept sorrow and chaos when it comes. All with the heart of a family that lives for the Lord and trusts that His hand is in every move.  That said, we are certain that He led us straight to you and that makes me smile. 

You see 116 Golden Meadow Lane, we are ready. Ready for a change, for a home that suits us and fits us, ready for comfort and peace, ready to make new memories and leave behind some of the greatest struggles of our lives.  I realize that you alone cannot provide that, that the Lord has a plan and without fail it will be completed one way or another. You, my friend, are just a house, but to us I pray that you will become a home.  A home with more good memories than bad.  A home where we can rest and heal and breathe just a little easier for a moment.  A home where the moments of chaos are overcome by the moments of peace. 

So, in a few days you will meet us all.  We will move our clothes and our furniture and fill you up with stuff.  But more importantly, we will be bringing two of the most wonderful little girls that God has created and their hearts.  So as I pray daily for our family and this new beginning I am going to ask you to do your best to provide a strong, safe, comfortable place for us to live.  I am going to ask that you will take care of us and keep us warm and cozy.  And in return I will promise to take care of you and fill you up with all the happiness and love that a family can bring.  In addition to that we will be bringing Jesus with us and He will be in charge of everything, we will just be following His lead. 

I look forward to spending the next couple of years making you our home and making new memories!  See you in a few days :) 

The Hall Family.

Our Story (The Short Version)

January 2006.  That is when my life changed forever.  It was my moment.  You know everyone has a moment and if you haven't yet you will.  Some of us have more than one.  Moments where you make a choice, good or bad, but that choice changes the course of your life forever.  It changes your present and your future more than you ever imagined that it would.  At the time it seemed like a small choice, but as you look back you realize it was the biggest decision of your life.  That moment for me was in early January of 2006. 

A friend of mine from church and a couple of his buddies were going to serve at the Passion Conference in Nashville TN.  He had all but guilted me into going using all of that Christian "you may change the life of a teenager" garb ;).  So there I was 30 years old, newly engaged to the man I had been with for two years and had wanted for four, and on my way to meet up with three men, two of which I barely knew at 5:30 am on January 2, 2006.  I had my Starbucks, my bags, my bible and I was wearing my beautiful new engagement ring.  I was headed to Nashville TN to change the life of a teenager.  ;)  Boy oh boy is God funny. 

This is a story of listening to the Lord. Not the first time, not the second, but the 50th time after he had been banging on the door of my heart and soul for years.  This is a story of God's plan coming to fruition regardless how of stubborn the person in it was.  This is a story of God's will, love, grace and mercy and I am the main character my friends. 

It was 5:30 am and I met up with my friend Shawn at his house.  We proceeded to ride to Kennesaw, pretty much in silence because neither of us are really morning people, and meet up with his buddies from his small group Jeff and Watts. We all piled into Jeff's Mercedes at 6:30 am and off we went to Nashville for what would be a life changing trip for many teenagers and at least two adults.  The weekend was filled with the Lord.  The Holy Spirit showed up in huge ways as worship was led and the speakers taught.  I roomed with two girls I had never met.  The extent of our conversation was "where are you from" and "why isn't your fiance here?' which just aggravated me so I quit talking to them.  I could go on for days about how God orchestrated the weekend. But to save time here are a few highlights.

1) I was assigned to work outside in the freezing cold and give directions to the students for the weekend.
2)One of the girls in my room was very, very sick so I basically had to find something to do at all times when I was not sleeping.
3)Watts turned out to be a real gentleman and gave up his "inside the arena" post with Shawn and Jeff and stood outside in the cold for me after the first day.
4) There was absolutely NO time to talk on the phone.
5) Complete strangers continually asked me all weekend where my fiance was and why he wasn't serving with me.  After the 10th time of explaining that he did not go to church with me, I felt so stupid and ridiculous (because that is how it sounded) I took off my ring and wore it around my neck. (Yes God will embarrass you to make a point).
6) There was a few minutes when I was left alone with Jeff that led to a conversation that left me more convicted than any other conversation I had ever had. 
7) The timing of Beth Moore's lecture on "listening to God rather than running from Him because what He wants is not what we want" led to the only phone call I made all weekend.
8) That phone call was to my mom to say "I do not want to get married".
9) Having one of the greatest mom's on the planet made this all a lot easier. 
10) Watching a grown man worship Jesus was much cooler than I imagined.

The weekend was amazing and God showed up all over the place.  Yes I spent time with these men, yes they treated me better than I had ever been treated by the one I was going to marry, yes I was blown away by what God taught me in such a short time.  Isn't it always amazing what we learn if we just listen? 

I have left out one major part of my weekend.  Not because I forgot but because I wanted to explain first and foremost that God changed my heart and opened my eyes just in time to keep me from making the biggest mistake of my life, again. And then there was Shawn.

There he was, bald head and dimples with the sweetest blue eyes I had ever seen.  He was right there doing nothing but doing everything at the same time.  We would eat as a group and when we would get up to leave he would get my coat for me.  They picked me up each morning and he brought me coffee just the way I liked it every time.  He opened my doors and carried my luggage.  I never asked, I never expected, I didn't even hope.  He took better care of me for a weekend then I had ever been taken care of by a man in my life and I wasn't even his.  Yet. 

We left Nashville after a weekend of an amazing God.  The ride home was one that I will never forget.  I remember wishing we would get lost so it would last a little bit longer.  There was nothing  inappropriate.  He never said anything or did anything to even make me think he wanted to take me to dinner, much less marry me.  But there was this unbelievable since of urgency for me to get home and end what was wrong and pray for what was next.  It was like I knew.  I knew he was going to be mine someday and I wanted someday to start ASAP!  So that is what I did.  I came home and the first time I saw my fiance I gave him the ring back.  It was not easy, it was not fun, but it was right. I remember sitting in the condo and looking around for anything that may be mine so that I could grab it on my way out willing to leave the rest forever.  All I could find was a pair of tennis shoes.  So me and my tennis shoes left, ring on the table, man broken, certain that I was following God right out of that door.

I prayed and prayed and prayed.  Lord forgive me for not listening before and please, if there is any chance I could have that man with the blue eyes and dimples, I would really like too.  If we are obedient and we ask, He answers.  That was the first week of January.  January 28th I had a scheduled dress fitting that I would not let my mom cancel.  She and I went and I put Shawn's name down as the groom.  He had not even asked yet.  In March we were engaged and in June we were married. It was the best day of my life.  A day that proves that we have a Father in Heaven that shows us grace and mercy and unconditional love.  I know this because I did not earn Shawn and I did not deserve him.  

So today I celebrate Valentines Day with the man that God made just for me.  I celebrate the fact that the Lord waited patiently, on both of us, and then put us together at just the right time.  I celebrate being married to the best man I have ever known.  I celebrate being blessed beyond comprehension as I spend this life and eternity looking at those blue eyes and dimples. And I praise my Lord from the rooftops for every second He gives me with the love of my life!!!

Happy Valentines Day baby.  I love you today and everyday. 
Thank you for making my dreams come true. 

Your Girl

Happy Birthday to Me.

On Friday I turned 37 years old.  I would like to say the it was a memorable 37 but honestly it was unlike any other day we have had recently.  I was home with the girls and Doc worked later than we had planned.  I did have a visit from a sweet friend who always makes me feel less lonely on days that home seems more than 4 hours away.  The weekend came and went and was full of family and fun and the Super Bowl.  I was a year older but I felt the same as I did the day before and the day before that. 

I am the youngest of my friends back home, but somehow have fallen into the oldest category with most of the friends that I have here in Franklin TN.   I have learned that it doesn't really matter.  The women that I am closest too are all wise beyond their years with hearts of gold.  Women that love me just as I am with my big mouth and obvious opinions.  Women that would leave work to help me in the middle of the day or travel thousands of miles to aid in my healing from a couple of long hard years. Women that recognize the hardest days and acknowledge them, each in their own way.  I am blessed by each and every one of them. And the ones that I do not see, I miss more than they will ever know. 

Age has always bothered me, so being home was more fun at birthdays because I am the youngest. I am even older than Doc, so Franklin is not my friend as I age. Truthfully, I just do not age well.  I took 30 really hard and 35 was just gross.  Now that I am 37 all I can think about is how I want more babies and how disgustingly close 37 is to 40.  See what I mean? I suck at this.  My dad has always made a joke at birthdays, "well it is better than the alternative" he says.  And I supposed he is right.  Or maybe not, I think that alternative probably beats the heck out of everything.  But I get his point ;) 

So here I am at 37 with two of the sweetest girls on the planet and the best man I have ever met.  I would venture to say that out of the last 3 years, my 36th was my best so far. At 37 I am healthier, happier and more content than I have been since my moved to Franklin.  For that I am blessed.  So here I am finally liking Franklin, just a little bit.  We are moving out of this house that has beaten us to a pulp for two and a half years into a home that will change everything about our lives here including Doc's commute.  We have two beautiful little girls (almost potty trained).  Our business is successful and our marriage is strong.  I have made a few great friends that have blessed me beyond measure. 

I have absolutely NOTHING to complain about and so I wait.  Not for something bad, just for something.  You see we are not the family that God leaves be.  Oh no my friends, we are, and are happy to be, the family that God constantly tests and challenges.  So what is next?  What will my 37th year bring?  Will it be the baby that we have begged for for 2 years?  Will it be a move? A new venture? A new exciting challenge?  I have no idea.  I am asking but He has not told me yet. So I will be still and wait for my Lord.  Knowing that in Him time He will tell me, show me and lead me. I look forward to my 37th year with anticipation and excitement.  Knowing that He has been preparing me for whatever lies ahead and trusting that He will be right there with me, with us, every step of the way. 

As I wait I will enjoy this time of peace.  This time of contentment.  These Moments of Peace if you will.  I certainly have been looking forward to them and asking for them for a while now. I am delighted that Jesus knew exactly what I wanted and needed for my birthday.  Happy Birthday to Me! ;) 

Melanie

Happy New Year 2012

Happy New Year my friends!!  2011 went by so quickly that I fear I missed a lot more than I wanted too.  As I sit and reflect on the year behind me, I realize how much I was taught by you and by Him.  I smile at the lessons that I learned, at the hurdles that I jumped, at the moments that I treasure. 

2011 taught me patience.  It taught me how to love myself more than I did in 2010. It taught me that my idea of failure is not the same as my husbands or my Saviours.  2011 taught me that there are some friends that never go away, never quit, never fail me.  It taught me that being a mother is more important than bed time and eating right.  It taught me that loving someone unconditionally is one of the most important things that I can ever do.  2011 showed me that I am tougher than I thought.  That I am weaker than I ever imagined.  That even though I classify myself as independent, I am not.  It showed me how much I need my mom.  It reminded me why I married my husband.  It humbled me at the right times and sometimes, many times, it kicked me when I was down.  There were moments when I quit.  Moments that I am ashamed to remember because I failed as a mom, or a wife, or a daughter, or a friend.  But then there were moments that I succeeded beyond my imagination. Moments where I watched someone I love make a change, find hope, and move forward while God used me to encourage them.  I saw miracles and deaths, loss and love.  2011 showed me that some of the people I love most are stronger than I gave them credit for.  I was encouraged many times by the people closest to me as I watched them succeed and overcome at different points in their lives.  I was blessed by new friendships, and inspired by old ones.  I was reminded that I come from a family of the biggest hearts Jesus ever made.  That I have a mom like no other mom in the world.  That my dad loves us all more than we realize.  That my sister misses me as much as I miss her.  That my brother loves me just as much as he did ten years ago. 

I have a list of resolutions.  Some attainable, some probably unrealistic.  But don't we all?  Sure I would like to get back in shape.  I would like to eat less and run more.  I want to read the bible, the whole thing.  I want to learn to be content in TN rather than spending my time wishing away the weeks and months until I go home again.  I want to be a better wife.  A better mother. A better friend.  A better student of life.  I want to cry less and laugh more.  I want to enjoy everyday with my kids, even the hard ones.  And yes, I want to have one more little person to carry and love and raise.  That one is not up to me entirely.  I realize that.  But it is on the list.  I am grateful for 2012.  For every breath that I get to take today and tomorrow.  Grateful for these girls and this man that holds my home and my heart together.  Grateful for my favorites, you know who you are.  But more than any of this, I am grateful for a Saviour that allows me to have all of the things I love the most.  Happy New Year my friends.  I pray you are blessed beyond measure!!

Melanie

Have yourself a Merry Litte Christmas.

This time of year reminds me of my grandaddy.  I think it is because he is gone.  People that have left us seem to have a way of creeping back into the forefront of our hearts during the holidays.  Last year at this time I wrote a blog about Christmas without Bennett.  This year we will have another Christmas without Bennett and though there are so many places in my heart that want to explode with words and emotions about that, I don't plan to have an entry about it.  You see what I have realized is that Christmas will be without Bennett for the rest of my life. Just as it will be without my grandaddy and my father in law and Mamaw and Mama Jones.  Christmas will never be the same as it was before any of them were gone for any of us that loved them. 


Tonight I am more grateful than I have been in a long time.  Grateful for the people that are here, the people that have yet to cross to the other side of the veil.  The people that make all that I have been through in the last two years bearable.  That love me just as I am, all of the time.  People like my husband who goes to work everyday and comes home and loves on his girls every night regardless of how tired he is.  People like my daddy who calls me all the time to make sure I am ok.  People like my mom who knows when I am lying and lets me.  People like my sister that loves me enough not to ask.  People like my brother who does something huge like take me to the SEC Championship game to remind me who I am and how much fun I can have.  People like Sam who is my everyday, all of the time.  People like Brett who has become one of the best friends I've got.  People like Anita who calls just in time, every time. People like Billy who is constant and has been for 20 years.  People like Meg that lets me talk longer than I should when we have kids screaming. People like Kelly who never goes away.  All of these people, and the rest of them that I neglected to mention because it is hard to blog with two toddlers running around, have changed my life.  Each of you has made me who I am.  Each of you has challenged me to be better, happier, healthier.  Each of you has taken a little piece of my heart and held it close at just the right time.  And God has blessed me in so many ways by having you in my life.

This Christmas what I want to remember, what I want to celebrate is the lives of these people.  I want to enjoy each and every once of you as much as possible because what I have learned is that we do not get to choose.  We do not have a say.  When Jesus wants you home, you go home.  The last two and a half years have been the hardest of my life.  But with the sorrow has come so much joy.  Joy from my children, my family, my friends.  Joy from a Saviour that loves me enough to let me  have one more day with the ones I love.  That blesses me with another day to laugh until it hurts with my brothers.  That gives me time to talk with my mama late a night when no one else is listening. That gives me breath for another conversation with Sam.  That gives me more time for puzzles and duck duck goose. That gave me a sister that shares my heart and a husband who holds it. That gives me friends that see past my flaws and failures and share their lives with me.  A Saviour who has blessed me with a family full of the best friends a girl could ever ask for.  A Saviour who has watched me fail again and again as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend and yet still holds a place in His kingdom just for me.

This year I want to rejoice in who I have with me on the most special day in history.  The day that Jesus was born.  The day He came to this  earth as human and began a life of perfection and sacrifice. I want to celebrate my life, His life, our lives.   I am grateful for every day that He gives me to share with you.  Thank you for loving me, for being part of my life, and for loving my girls.  Merry Christmas friends.  May God Bless you the way He has blessed me.

Melanie

For Instance.

Every now and then I wish that my blog was private. That I could say whatever I wanted to say and not worry about what people would think or how it would make them feel.  I know that some of you are probably thinking that I already do that, but believe it or not, I don't.  I have a few blogs that have been deleted or moved.  Sparing those I love from hurt feelings or tough memories.  Sometimes I write and I realize that not everyone really wants to know what I think ALL of the time ;). Today is one of those days.  Today I want to write about some things that fire me up.  I want to write about what disappoints me in some of the people that I love.  I want to write about what I want for others and why I could just shake the hell out of the ones that will not listen to me.

I am not perfect.  I have made more mistakes then I care to remember or to talk about.  Some of you know many of them and could help me remember.  ;)  I don't pretend to have all of the answers but there are a few things that I do know.

For instance:
If you live in a state of intoxication whether it is from drugs or alcohol, there is no way to find all of the happiness that is out there for you. 
If you live in the past, you miss the present. 
If you don't forgive, you will never forget. 
Smoking kills you. 
Without Jesus you will not go to heaven.  Period. That does not make me biased, it makes me right. 
I don't want to be your friend if you are not good to your friends. 
Do not tell me you are going to do something and not do it. 
You should always take up for your spouse. 
You should never, ever, ever, talk ugly to your mama.
Sometimes your kids are right and you are wrong. 
People die. 
Heaven is real. 
So is hell and if you do not have Jesus in your heart, you are going to spend eternity there. 
No one is perfect except Jesus. 
You have never done more than you can be forgiven for. 
Boundaries are good, even for family. 
Your siblings are the only ones that know exactly how you feel about your childhood.
When you are lost, you should listen to the ones that love you the most. 
Asking for help shows strength and pride is a weakness. 
Not money, or looks, or things, can make you happy. 
Disrespect in a marriage rears children that show disrespect. 
If you drink in front of your kids, expect your kids to drink. 
If you cuss in front of your kids, expect your kids to cuss. 
If you smoke in front of your kids, expect your kids to smoke. 
If you have an unhealthy Godless marriage, expect your kids to have the same. 
Your kids are always watching and listening and looking to you to show them what will make them happy. 
If you are over 20 and still using your childhood as an excuse for your failures, you need to take a looong look in the mirror. 
If you are over 25 and still live at home without contributing, you need to get a life. 
Your parents are not responsible for your adult failures, you are old enough to know right from wrong and make corrections where they failed you. 
You should always say thank you when someone does something for you. 
Loving somebody should not stop because they fail you.
Always pray, never stop, God answers in his own time. 

Okay I am done with my rant.  Sometimes a girl just has to say a few things!! 

Blessings!
Melanie

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving.  A day to be thankful.  A day to sit back and remember all that the Lord has given you.  A day with family and friends, full of good food and memories.  A day that comes once a year to remind us what we should be doing the other 364 days of the year, giving thanks to an Almighty God that has given us so much more than we have ever deserved. 

This year I will spend Thanksgiving with my Alabama Family.  And even though I will miss my Georgia Family terribly, I am very much looking forward to my holiday.  It is hard to pass up Nana's food and time with Papaw.  It is hard to complain about spending time with two of my favorite men on the planet and my little sister. Yes, it will be crowded and yes it will be hard to keep these two crazy kids on any type of schedule.  But it will be worth it. 

I sit back and part of me wants to tell you everything I am thankful for and I realize that there is not enough time in the day or typing in my fingers to list them all.  So instead I sit here and smile that I am so blessed that I cannot. I think of my mom and dad who are my strength. My siblings that are the core of who I am and why I am.  My cousins that are like sisters and Sam that is like no other.  I think of my friends that make my heart warm and have loved me for longer than I could ever deserve. The ones that love me, that listen to me, and that at times tolerate me in all of my boldness because they know my heart.  The other family that God blessed me with.  The parents that he gave me at a time in my life that I needed a second set.  The unexpected miracle that he gave us so that Christmas will be exactly what we love about it.  The brothers and sister that came with that family that are nothing short of wonderful.  The unexpected friendship and second brother that He gave me.  The little sister that I never had and the mother of my husband that is my children's Nana. Everyone should have a Nana and it makes me smile thinking of my own. 

I think of the ones that are my everyday.  The ones that know what is going on in my home right now, and care about the little things.  The ones that call, that text, that laugh and cry with us as we live.  You know who you are.  I think of answered prayers that we look over everyday because at times all we can see is the loss that we have suffered in the last two years.  I think of the boy that blessed us more than we could have ever imagined.  I look at his sisters and it is hard for me to breathe.  It is hard for me to understand why He would give me these two perfect, beautiful children, one that is her mama and one that is her daddy.  But He did and I am grateful for every fight, every fit, every mess, every minute.  I smile at the man that He sent me.  The one that changed my heart, my faith, my life.  The one that has made my life such that if it ended today, it would have already been so much more than I ever could have imagined or deserve.  Thankful, grateful, these are words that cannot even touch on describing what each of you mean to me. 

There is an God in heaven that gives us salvation.  That takes away all of our sin.  That tells us that if we believe, we will be blessed beyond comprehension.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16.  Eternal life in a kingdom where there is no pain, no suffering, no hurt, no tears.  All of this and still if we give our heart to Him and follow Him he answers our prayers and blesses us on this earth.  I know this because I am living proof.  I have all that I could want and more than I could have ever dreamed and I was so lost.  Those that lived that part of my life with me know.  They know that I do not deserve what I have.  They know I did not earn any of these blessings and that my "what I am thankful for" list should be much, much shorter.  But here I am. Thankful, blessed, forgiven, because of a God that is merciful and shows grace beyond comprehension.  Amen. 

I pray each of you has a Happy Thanksgiving.  That the Lord blessed you and your family with safe travels and good food.  That your prayers will be answered and your hearts will be healed.  And I thank you. Thank you for being a part of my life, for changing it each in your own way.  You are all a part of my heart and a great blessing to me.

Melanie

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Dear 2560 Tom Anderson Road,

I wanted to write to you purely out of respect for what you have meant to us over the last two years.  You see even though our relationship has been rocky, you have indeed served your purpose to our family.  You have provided shelter to our children.  You have provided heat when it was cold (well with exception of a few weeks that first winter) and cool air in the summer months.  You have given me a place to bake for my friends and family, to prepare meals for us to eat, to do laundry, shower and all of the other things a good house does for you.  And for that and all of the good memories that you have given us with our girls, I thank you.  For these reasons I wanted to let you know that our time together is coming to an end. 

Yes, I know it is hard to believe but we have decided that it is time to take our things and our children and move on.  I am sure that there is a little place inside you (probably buried underneath that damn red and white bathroom) that thinks that some how, in some way, you have won the war that was waged between you and I in October of 2009.  I am here to tell you that you have not.  No, no my friend, I will leave this house with its rotting doors and termite infested porch with my head held high.  I will walk away from the memories of backed up septic, flooding hot water heaters, and mice infestation smiling all the while knowing that it is I who won the war and you only won a few major battles.  

You see that bathroom where my boy was born, where our fourth child was lost, where I slept on the floor at least 4 times sicker than I have been in the last ten years, that bathroom is where I came closer to Jesus than I have ever been in my entire life.  That is where He met me when I cried out over and over again in sickness and in sadness.  That is where I realized that I really "can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength".  

And this living room that I have sat in over and over again begging the sweetest man alive to take me home, He used this living room and those conversations to show us that Genesis 50:20 is absolutely true.  "What you intended to harm me with, God intended for good, to save many".  And so everyday my sweet Doc would get up and go back to that practice and change lives in the name of Jesus despite what the enemy was doing here.  And everyday we would be reminded that God has put us exactly where He wants us to be. 

You see 2560 Tom Anderson Road, though I have felt defeated, lonely and lost more often than I care to remember over the last couple of years, I have also felt more joy, had stronger faith and learned more about my Savior than I have ever known.  This is why you lose and I win. 

Soon we will find a new home for our girls and we will pack our things into the 37 boxes that we have saved over the last two years anticipating this day.  I will sweep the world's whitest kitchen floor one last time.  I will clean off the porch sprayed with opossum blood and covered in dust, praying one more time that the floor does not fall out from under me.  We will drive the 48 inch lawn mower out of the shed and laugh at the God forsaken field getting higher and higher as we load it into the U-Haul. I wipe down the red and white bathroom floor that has held my slumber more than once.  Pray that all of the crayon comes off of the walls.  I will praise Jesus for the hardwoods during potty training as I mop them with vinegar.  We will leave a bowl of food for every damn cat in the neighborhood that comes to eat on our front porch and let Beauty say her goodbyes as we load her and only her up for the move.  We will spray the chalk off of the sidewalk and take the trash to the convenience center one more time and then we will stop. 

We will look around at this empty house that was such a blessing at a time when we thought things could not get worse, laughing at what seemed bad when all of this started.   We will remember Presley as she was 5 months when we moved in, we will smile about how big Kat has gotten and maybe even cry a little. But don't get your hopes up 2560 Tom Anderson Road, because it is not you that we will miss.  It is not the loose cabinets and mis-sized doors that will bring the tears. It is the memories, the years that have gone by, the time that is forever over that we will miss.  You, my friend the turd, we will leave smiling.  So get ready, I am on a mission and your time is short. 

Love,
Melanie

ps.  Romans 8:31

My Uncle G.

When I was a kid we spent every Sunday at my Nana's house. My dad is one of five kids, the oldest of four boys and one girl. There we were on Sundays with my dad and his three brothers looking like four peas in a pod and my Uncle G who look absolutely nothing like the rest of them. He was big with a face full of hair, not at all like his lanky, clean cut brother in laws that would sooner starve to death than sweat or callus their hands. He was quiet and with his black beard and large stature he was little intimidating to us wee folk that were running around. After all, all the other men looked like they could be our dad. I remember that a lot of the kids were afraid of Uncle G. Which at the time made perfect sense but now it makes me laugh. Not me though, he was never scary to me. He was just my Uncle G and he gave the best hugs of the bunch.

The older we got the more I realized that Uncle G was one of a kind in our family. While the rest of the men were playing basketball or cards, he was grilling the meat or slicing the turkey. There he would be in the kitchen, apron on, hands all a mess, passing out bites of yumminess and working his tail off to provide the rest of us one of the best meals of the year. I remember how curious I was about him. He was so different from the rest of the Slocum men, why did Aunt Pat go for this big, furry, fishin man that loved to eat good food more than anyone I have ever met??

When I was in college I needed somewhere to live. Pat and G lived close to the school and with open arms welcomed me into their home with their two teenagers. They took their office and turned it into a room for me and I lived their for quite a while. It was then I realized why Aunt Pat married G. The man did everything! He cooked, he cleaned, he could buy clothes for anyone in the house including his teenage daughter and I never once heard him raise his voice in anger. He was unlike any man I had ever been around and I remember thinking, "I want to marry a man like this!" That year of my life Pat and G become my second set of parents and Zack and Court became my little brother and sister. They were my family, and I enjoyed all of them all of the time. I would come home from school and it would be just G and I. He would tell me a story about a fishin trip, every detail about the food he cooked or ate, or both. He would stand in that kitchen with a chicken breast and an onion chatting away while making it into the best thing I had eaten all week.

Later in my life I moved back into Pat and G's. I needed somewhere to go and once again they opened their home. It was a hard time in my life and they knew it. They didn't ask many questions. They just let me be there safe, warm and as always fed. Just like parents do for you when life is hard. They loved me and I loved them and was blessed to have them both.

Years passed by and finally I got my act together. Never once losing sight of the kind of man I really wanted to marry. A hardworking man, with a big heart that spoiled his wife rotten. When I was 31 God blessed me with that man. A man that was unlike most that I had met.  A man that can buy me clothes and shoes, that cooks and cleans and yep, that spoils me rotten. A man not all that different from one that I had grown up with.

Together Doc and I have had great conversation and enjoyed amazing food with Pat and G. He has watched as I raise my girls and loved them like they were his own Grand kids while Patty has been working hard to spoil them rotten. We have spent as many Christmas Eve's as we possibly could with G and if you ever been, you know why. If you haven't you have missed a little piece of heaven on earth. This year is our year to go home and be with G and Pat on Christmas Eve. Selfishly in my prayers I say "Jesus, please get him home and well before December 24!" ;)

Today I write with a heavy heart and a plea to my sweet Lord. Asking, all but begging Him to heal my Uncle G. To send him home to Aunt Patty and Court and Rand and Zack. To give him time to take my girls fishin with their "Princess fishin' poles" that Kat dreams about. I am praying that He will make him well so that he can fish with his buddies, cook good food for his friends and watch Tech beat the crap out of UGA this fall in the comfort of the coolest "man room" I have ever seen.

I would ask that you put him on your prayer list. I ask you to please pray for a miracle and for complete healing of his body. That you pray on behalf of my family who has been blessed for over 36 years with the presence of this great man, my sweet, gentle Uncle G that I love bigger than the whole sky!

Thank you friends!

Melanie

There Went Summer!

It seems like it has been forever since I last blogged even though it has only been months. Months that were long and busy and stressful and that swallowed our summer up like a giant whale in the ocean. We went to bed at the end of May and woke up at the first of August.

June and July were filled with two working parents, out of sorts children, eggs for dinner and me about as home sick as I have been in a long time. Not so much sick for Atlanta but sick for the people that I love that have taken care of me for my entire life. Missing the girls that would have brought lunch to the office on the days that Doc and I were to busy to stop. My sister and Sam who would have taken a day and cleaned the bathrooms or the kitchen because we were exhausted from 45 - 50 hour work weeks that bled into 24 hour care of our home and our children. Missing Meg who I know would have made us dinners for weeks if she were any closer than Canada. Thankfully, about as quickly as our lives became chaos and bedtime went from 7:30 to 9, it was the end of July and we had survived. Prayers were answered, help was found, our girls had been well taken care of by Aunt Kasey who was more help than she will ever know, the business was still thriving and our home, though a little messy, was still full of love and laughter and two people that are completely in love with each other and their girls. Praise Jesus.

July came to an end at the beach for us all and boy was it fun! As usual a huge thank you to Big and Janet who provided a great condo for all three of us and our families. The kids were all awesome, I got to spend a whole week with my sister who I miss more than anyone else here in TN (don’t tell her I said that) and the weather was perfect. Lots of sun and a few days of rain to cool down ;). We spoiled ourselves with grouper dinners and Thomas’ doughnuts and I am pretty sure I am one of at least 4 people that came back 4 lbs heavier!!! It was well worth it. The week reminded me how blessed we really are to have one another, five healthy kids, living and healthy parents and bonds that will never be broken in our marriages and our relationships with one another. I cannot say it enough, Praise Jesus!!

Our return to TN was bitter sweet. Goodbye is never fun no matter how long it is for or how long we have been together. I still cry when my mom leaves and she comes almost once a month ;). But Doc had come home ahead of us and we were ready to get back to him even if it was in our dressed up turd in the city that we have yet to call home. Home is where Doc is, just ask Kathryne. August is here, school is starting, I feel like my whole “summer” was condensed into two weeks. I didn’t get to have Sam or Steph or Kel or Miss up to the house because I had to work. Bummer. But our business did well this summer. We hired some help for Doc and so far she is great! Our patients love him and our numbers are climbing. Truthfully, for two years of work we are kicking ass. Praise Jesus!!

I am sure some of you are wondering if we are pregnant yet, and the answer is no. We have been trying for a while with no success. We are still trying and will continue to do so for a couple more years in hopes that He will let us have one more to raise and love and glorify Him!! There is one day a month that I cry and the rest I am thankful for my healthy girls. I think of all of the prayers I have sent up willing to sacrifice having more babies “Lord, I don’t have to have any more babies, just let Erin keep hers!” “Jesus, I will never ask for anything else, just don’t let my mama be sick” “God the ONLY thing I ask is that you protect these girls and keep them healthy. I don’t need anymore babies, just let me have these for the rest of my life!” I smile at my mom whose doctor was astonished that she did not have breast cancer. I dance when I get new belly pictures of sweet Erin as she closes out her third trimester with healthy baby boy. I praise Him with all I have when I wake up each morning to healthy, beautiful children. Prayers answered. Maybe we will get another baby, maybe not. I won’t spend my life wishing I had more. I will bathe in my blessings and the blessings of those around me knowing that I will spend eternity with all 4 of my children. Praise Jesus!

I am back at home. Working only a couple of days a week to help my sweet Doc keep things running smoothly. Today we cleaned bathrooms, yesterday it was a kitchen scrub down. Eventually I will have the house closer to where it was before the chaos started. And if I don’t who really cares!? Fall will be here soon, we will be SO busy with traveling between the two of us. I am praying that He will keep us safe and that we will remember to enjoy every moment. Thanks for checking in my friends!!


Xoxo

Melanie

Seasons Change

Last week marked a new chapter for our sweet family.  Or as many of us like to say a "new season".  Which is just a way of putting things so as to remember that they will not last forever.  Just as the heat of the summer will soon pass, so will these days. So  in this "season" of my life I am not only the wife of a chiropractor, I am also the assistant of a chiropractor.  Well assistant/receptionist/office manager or all of the above at any given time Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.  Yes, for a brief period of time I have taken over Precision Spine Specialists.  Our sweet Sharliss has moved on to a new season of her life and as a result, here we are in a new phase of our own. 

I will not lie to you, because as you already know I am just not good at it.  This season, just as the last few that we have lived here in TN (speaking of both the literal seasons and the life seasons) is not my favorite.  It is hard and exhausting and I miss my kids and they miss me.  I will say that there is something fun about being in the office with Doc all day, even though I do not really see him while we are there. But the truth is friends, in my heart and soul I am a mama.  A stay at home, raise your kids, make the dinner, clean the bathrooms mama.  All day, every day, and I LOVE IT! I get that it is not for everyone, but it is for me 100%! 

This season, phase, time whatever you want to call it, will be short. I will work until we find my sweet Doc the right person to help him there so that I can be home.  I will go in everyday and get my butt kicked right along side him because that is what I do best, support my sweet husband that is working his tail off for us.  I won't complain (okay maybe I will complain a little bit) but overall I will do it with a smile on my face.  I will miss my babies and try my BEST to make up for it when I have time with them no matter how tired I am.  I will stand faithfully, knowing that my Lord is right along side of us making sure that we have what we need.  And soon, I hope, I will be back home in my pj's at 8 am sitting on the sofa kissing on the heads of my baby girls and trying to figure out will it be the sprinkler or the pool today??? Hmm....what a tough life I live.  ;) 

So friends, for those of you who have called and wondered where I am, there you have it.  I am up at 6:15AM getting ready, making breakfast and heading to work until 6PM (or 6:30 or 7 depending on the day) and hurrying home to see (and feed) my babies before they have to go to bed!! Oh, and if you are wondering where the girls are for those 12 hours, they are a home having a BLAST with Aunt Kasey.  We are SO blessed she is able to help us!!! That is it for now.  Plan to hear from me in about month if you are waiting for a call because all of my spare minutes are going to my babies until I am back home with them!!

Have a GREAT summer friends!
Blessings,
Melanie

GET TO WORK!

Here I am on week 4 of what has been a merry go round of sickness and injuries at the Hall house.  Just about the time that the puking had ceased and the cast came off, in came the snot.  I do not get it.  You take two perfectly healthy kids to the park and you bring home a week worth of tissues, sleepless nights, Hylands cough and cold and tears.  Ugh.  All for a day at the park? 

So here I am in good ole Franklin TN, the home of the cicadas and freakish weather, sitting on my sofa wishing that I had take out Chinese food and a cold beer.  No I am not kidding, I really want a cold beer.  I know I don't drink anymore and haven't for 5 years, but still I want the damn beer. I think back on the days when it seemed like a cold beer could solve just about anything.  And just as quickly as I go there I remember that the cold beer is what caused most of the problems ;). 

So, I will do without the beer and the Chinese food if I am being honest and I will make a pb&h and wait on my girls to get up with runny noses and frustrating coughs.  All the while I am thinking about next week and the week after.  Wondering what God has in store for us and if it will be fun or frightening, or both ;).   I laugh at the absurdity of being 36 years old, still trying for more babies, broke, tired, sick, living in the turd and on the verge of needing a pedicure so badly that someone might actually offer to pay for it if they saw me barefoot.  I wonder what it would be like to sleep through the night or have enough money to get my truck fixed and then I giggle because I know that would not be any fun at all.  I mean that is what makes us the crazy Hall family right!?  The fact that we are exhausted and broke and still buying organic food and making babies is what makes us, US!!  Are our priorities screwed up? Maybe. Or maybe we have them just right. 

We are once again getting our butts kicked here in Franklin TN. Next week I go to work at the practice for the summer, we need money, we need a house that is our own, we need to be well, and we want another baby. With all of that said, this is what I know.  I love my husband bigger than the whole sky.  I have two of the sweetest, prettiest, funniest girls in the whole world. Jesus loves me.  My mama and daddy spoil me rotten and my sister misses me just as much as I miss her. That, the phone calls from my brother everyday and my four best girls are all the things that keep me sane (relatively speaking). Therefore, I will wait patiently on Him and trust in His plan, knowing He will lead us down the right path. 

Ephesians 2:10 (The Message)
7-10  Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

I love at the end where it says "WORK WE HAD BETTER BE DOING".  I guess I better get off of this computer and get to work!! ;) 

Blessing My Friends,
Melanie

Isaiah 25:8

Today my heart is heavy, my soul is tired, my faith is tested and the world around me keeps on going.  As I sit here at our Raggedy Anne and Andy table on a chair that is too small for my four pregnancy behind I sigh and wipe tears at the reality that is the new life of some of the ones I love.  I feel lost as I have prayed incessantly for their families and yet today the Hudson's bury their sweet Harrison and today one of my best girls woke up without her mama.  I can't help but question God's timing and wonder where he was this week.  If I am completely honest, I don't understand any part of either plan.  Of course I still trust, I still believe, I still walk faithfully.  Yet it takes me back to March of last year when I was in my own hell wondering where God was.  I have to imagine that two of the families that I care about are wondering the same today. 

I realize that there are moments where we all question, where we all wonder what He is thinking.  And though that makes me feel better about my own doubts, I still hang my head in shame. 

Isaiah 25:8  tells us "He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken."

Psalm 34:18 tells us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

Today I am praying for the faces and hearts of the people that I love.  The faces that are drowning in tears and the hearts that feels as if they will forever be broken.  I pray that He is there with them, wiping away their tears and holding them close.  I mourn the loss of baby Harrison and Mama Peeples and I wish I was closer to help or hold or hug as those that loved them the most greive. 
 
I sit and I weep for their loss and wish that I did not understand, but I do.  I understand completely what if feels like to love someone with your whole being and to have them taken from you too soon.  I understand all to well what it feels like to have your life changed in a moment;  a single, chaotic, uncontrollable moment that flashes like a nightmare rather than a reality.  Once again the reality that we are not in control slaps me right in the face.  Once again He shows me that His will is the only way.  Once again I am humbled at the reality of His greatness and His power. 
 

As I go into the afternoon that starts a weekend of new life for these families I can think only about the ones I love the most.  I am so thankful for every moment that I have with them.  I am so humbled that He has blessed me with my family and friends.  I am so grateful that, though loss has touched us so closely, He has spared so many that I love. 

 

Today I will hug my babies tight and tell my parents I love them.  Today my heart will break along with the Hudson family as they lay their boy to rest this afternoon.  Today I will shed more tears for my sweet girl than she will ever know.  I will do all of this and I will praise Him with my whole heart for all that He has done and all that He has yet to do in my life and in theirs.  

 

 

 
Love and Blessings Friends,
Please lift us the Hudson and Davis/Peeples families with me!! 
 
Melanie  
 
 
 

Fried Banana Pies

This weekend, as a family we made a big decision.  A decision that will affect the rest of our lives, a decision that required a lot of prayer, a decision that was difficult and draining, a decision that we would have rather God just make for us.  I supposed in His own way, He did. 

Last night as I sat on this beat up couch with my husband I read Joyce Meyer's book "The Secret To True Happiness".  If you haven't read it, I can tell you from the first four chapters, you should.  I am not a big underliner for the lack of a better term.  I don't highlight as I read or take notes and the only journal I have is this one that I let everyone read.  But as I was reading I asked Doc to borrow his pen and I underlined the following:

"Much of life takes place when no one is looking; and God works in our lives during the ordinary times".

Duh.  Right?  I mean daily we strive for EXTRAordinary yet God is working in the ordinary.  So why are we working so hard? Missing so much of today trying to get to tomorrow.  Not far down page 6 of this book I again used the pen and underlined the following;

"True life is really not found in arriving at a destination; it is found in the journey". 

Thank you Joyce!  If there was anything that I needed to hear on Sunday March 27, 2011 after 15 days of talking and discussing and making BIG choices it was that!  I took a deep breath.  I looked at the man opposite me and smile at his sweet bald head and those giant dimples.  I giggled inside at my dirty kitchen and thought to myself "who cares Melanie? I mean really no one in the entire world knows that your kitchen is dirty but you and him and he doesn't care!" 

Doc and I want to do EXTRAordinary things, we want to live EXTRAordinary lives, we spends days and weeks and months talking about how to get out of the ordinary and into the EXTRAordinary! Why?  I guess because we think we will be happier?  Honestly, I don't know why.  I would say society pushes us to that but honestly, I think that is a LAME excuse for anything so I am not going to use it here. 

As I sat last night reading I thought about the things that make us happy, I mean really happy.  Our girls playing, our family visiting, laughing with each other, time on the couch with hot chocolate and the food channel, swing sets and barbecues and fried banana pies.  These are the things that make us happy, make us feel good, that light up our lives.  And you know what?  We have all of those things.  Everyday. So we should wake up skipping and dive into the bed at night giggling. 

Solomon (the wisest man EVER) tells us in Ecclesiastes chapter 5:  "Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is for one to eat and drink and to find enjoyment in all the labor in which he labors under the sun all the days which God gives him".

Translated from The Message: After looking at the way things are on this earth, here's what I've decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that's about it.

And that is about it folks.  That is all. Enjoy it.  Whatever it is.  I get it. I didn't get a vacation and you did.  I have friends with more money, less debt, skinnier, heavier, more kids, no kids, great husband, no husbands, big houses, nice cars, no car, great parents, no parents, bad parents.  I have friends that from the outside seem to have it made, but on the inside they fight disease and addiction and have marriages falling apart. My point? No one lives the same life and no one's life is perfect.  Some got dealt a better hand and some would trade with you in a heartbeat.  But what the bible, the Lord, our SAVIOR tells us to do is to enjoy OUR lives!!  The one that we have, because that is the only one we get and it is a waste of time wishing for someone else's, it is just not going to happen. 

So that is what I plan to do.  I plan enjoy my life, today, right now.  I don't want yours and even if I did I can't have it.  What I have are two beautiful little girls and a man that's day can be made with a fried banana pie.  It takes me 15 minutes to make a fried banana pie.  So if you ask me, I ought to wake up skipping and go to bed giggling. 

Love and Blessings!
Melanie

C'mon April!!

There are only about a thousand things going on in my head.  None of which I have the patience to put into words worth reading.  I will say that I am ecstatic that the sun is shining today.  It gives me hope that this area which we call Middle TN will not be cold forever and that one day we will be able to go outside without a toboggan on the head of my littlest one. 

I have been waiting to blog, waiting for something exciting, special, wonderful, horrible, sad, stressful, fun to talk about.  And today I realized that I have none of these things and all of these thing everyday, so why not write? 

It is the middle of March and time is going by so quickly that I fear that I will wake up and be 50 and not even remember what happened yesterday.  We speed through these days dreaming, hoping, wishing for better, for more, for everything.  Yet we wake up and we are exactly where we were the day before and cannot ever seem to get ahead.  Is this life for everyone? I have no idea.  It doesn't seem like it from where we stand.  It seems like the fast flying days go by in our dressed up turd (as we like to call our house) while everyone else plans vacations that we cannot afford and buys cute clothes for the spring that will never grace my wardrobe.  It feels like we are in March.  March the month that we just cannot seem to get away from.  The month that sucked for us last year and somehow has managed again to suck for us in 2011.  I am certain a lot of it has to do with perspective, attitude, outlook.  But at the same time looking in or out, it is just not a barrel of fun around the Hall house. 

We have lights on in cars and heat that doesn't work (which shouldn't matter except that is is in the 40's still at night in this damn state).  We have a condo in ATL that will sit empty in two weeks and a mtg to pay on it. We have bills and loans and a business that we have no idea what to do with.  We want to move closer and father away and we cannot afford either but that doesn't matter because we can't even make a decision if we could afford it!  We have people we want to help and spend endless hours trying to figure out how while they are oblivious at how much we really care.  And selfishly I wonder "are they even worried about us? Do they have any idea what we are going through"??  We live in a house that we don't like in a state that we have never felt at home in with a business that has been blessed but we cannot enjoy  it because of the house and the state. 

I think about all that we have been through since we have moved and all that we are going through now and then I think of Kate or Harrison and I laugh at the obsurdity of my selfishness and cry at the horror of my greed.  I mean really?  There are people with babies that cannot swallow Melanie!! There are families with 7 year olds fighting brain cancer!! REALLY!?  I am upset about money? Housing? Location? I am angry about what? I think on some days I am completely justified.  I mean all I really want is to feel settled in a state I have lived in for almost 2 years, a home for my kids, my husband to be home to eat dinner and a house full of babies none of which I have.  I feel sorry for myself thinking about a family who just had their 5th baby.  I wanted 5 babies.  I have had 4 but there are only two asleep in the room next to me.  I am anxious and frustrated and tired and unsettled and scared and angry and all of it is selfish and none of it I am proud of.  But I still feel that way. 

So I pray and I ask Him for help.  I ask for guidance and relief and answers and patience and I ask for more.  More of everything because that is what we think we need right? But what I have figured out is that I need less.  Less of all of it.  Less stress, less stuff, less dreams, less chaos, less appointments, less obligations, less pressure.  Less.  I like simple. I like easy.  I like less and that is what I am praying for today.
 
"Lord, please give me less.  Please take all of this and help me to trust you to take care of it for me. Carry me so that I do not have to pick a direction.  Allow me to rest and make my decisions for me.  I trust you and know that you know what is best for me and my family. Amen"

That is my prayer today. That is my prayer this week. 

Melanie

Praying for speed bumps.

Once again it is snowing in TN and I find myself wondering why, when we could have picked anywhere on the planet to live and start our practice, did we choose middle TN?  But just as quickly as I begin to wander off my thoughts are pulled back to the real world and what is happening in my life right now, today. 

Yesterday I drove home from ATL after burying one of my oldest friend's mother.  She died entirely too young from a life long battle with diabetes.  The day that she died one of my favorites miscarried her first baby and on my ride home I was notified of the death of a sweet lady that I have been praying for.  Her name was Jacque and she lost a battle with melanoma.  Jacque literally sacrificed herself for her baby girl.  She showed true courage and unwavering faith throughout her pregnancy and battle with cancer. Jacque and I have never met but I will look for her when I cross through those gates and hug her tightly letting her know how much I admire her giving up her own life for the life of her sweet child. 

It seems that the week has been bombarded with bad news, loss, tragedy, frustration.  So much so that I wonder what God is doing up there? Vacation perhaps?  I mean don't get me wrong, He has earned a trip to Mexico all inclusive for at least ten days. But I keep thinking it would be nice if He would check His email while He is there because I have sent Him a few.

As I sit here eating the world's best pound cake that was a late birthday present from my sweet mother in law and drinking a cup of decaf wishing it was spiked with Baileys, I try not to let the anxiety overwhelm me.  But it does.  You see my friends, the week is not over.  It is only Thursday and I am not fortune teller and I cannot see into the future but I do know for a fact that my week and the months that follow hinge soley on one phone call that has yet to come, and it is 12:36PM.  A phone call that may come today, or may come tomorrow, but it is coming and it will still be this week.  A phone call that will change our lives.  A phone call that could impact us for months or years, but will impact us nonetheless.  A phone call that me and my loved ones wait for with anticipation, fear, anxiety and countless prayers.  These prayers have by passed His email, and were left at the front desk of that hotel in Mexico. 

It is days like this, weeks like this that remind me, just as I was reminded last March, that we do not get to choose.  Our gift was life, not control.  Our Lord and Saviour is behind the wheel and we better just hold on tight for the ride and hope that the speed bumps He hits are small and the potholes are few and far between.  I have had my share of speed bumps in the last year and one pothole that claimed a tire or two.  Today, as I sit and finish my coffee I am praying for two things, a phone call and a speed bump rather than a pothole. 

Love and Blessings,
Melanie

P.S. WE GOT OUR SPEED BUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE JESUS!!!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today I am 36 years old and honestly, it doesn't bother me near as much as I thought it would.  The older I get the more I realize that life really has nothing to do with age.  I mean sure if you are 36 there are some things that you cannot do like you could if you were 18.  But most of those things are overrated anyway. 

My thirties have been the best years of my life.  The hardest, most emotional, exhausting, sober, longest, shortest, best years of my life. When I was 31 I married the most humble, wonderful, hard working man I had ever met and he came with a beautiful pair of dimples.  When I was 32 I delivered an amazing little girl with big blue eyes that is tied for the spot of my very best friend in the entire world.  When I was 34 I delivered another blue eyed honey that I like to call "the love of my life".   At 35 I gave birth to a little boy.  A little boy that I was blessed to be the only one that ever got to know him alive  A little boy that changed our lives and the lives of everyone that loves us. A little boy that lives in the big blue eyes of my girls that I look into everyday. 

I am humbled by the love of my parents, overwhelmed by the devotion of my husband, bombarded by friendship from my sister and brother and in awe of the beauty of my children.  I have four of the most wonderful women in the world that I get to call my best friends. My Nana is still alive and knows my babies. 

My marriage is strong

and my kids are

healthy.  

I am certain that I am one of the most blessed women in the world and I am so much more than thankful for it.  I am happy and exhausted and full and empty and loved and selfish and crazy and fun and overwhelmed and lonely and busy and full of flaws and imperfections and all I can do today is smile.  Smile knowing that I am doing exactly what I want to do everyday; raising my girls, loving my husband and worshiping the One and only God.  I am 36 years old and I have no idea how it can get better than this.  

Happy Birthday to Me.  Thank you all for making it a wonderful day but more than that thank you for blessing my life. 

xoxoxo

Melanie

Sweet Baby Harrison Hudson

I am sitting here with a cup of decaf, an empty plate that once held the last slice of chocolate cake from Scooter's party yesterday, a house that is strewn with toys and puzzles, two sleeping children, and a heart that is heavy with  the burdens of others and prayer.  There are so many families that suffer loss, struggle with sick children, beg God for a miracle.  I am not sure if I am just ultra sensitive to these families now or if God places them in my life because my heart is so open for them after our losses.  Actually, I am positive it is the latter.    

I have a friend that is pregnant.  She lost her last baby a few years ago and never imagined she would be here again.  A miracle.  She has not had an event free pregnancy so far, but she is hanging in there.  I pray for her constantly, asking God to give her any miracle that was to be mine today.  Does that sound crazy to you?  I don't know maybe it is crazy.  Maybe I should be saving mine up just in case I need them one day soon.  But you see this is what I know, I know that if I needed a miracle, this same friend would give me hers without a thought. 

There is another family that I have asked God to give my miracles too over the last few months and that is the Hudson family.  You guys have read about sweet Harrison in my earlier blogs.  I am so touched by this family and this little boy, partly because his father was a good friend of mine what seems like a lifetime ago.  But mostly I think because I know that if our boy had a lived a few more weeks, we may be in the same boat they are in. 

I think about them a lot.  I struggle between relief and jealously to tell you the truth.  If Bennett had lived and not been "normal" by today's definition would we have made it?  If he had been a special needs kid, it would have rocked our world and the world of our girls.  It would have changed our lives entirely just as Harrison has changed the lives of his family.  I imagine the struggles financially, emotionally, and a thousand other ways.  I do at time breathe a sigh of relief that my girls are not going through that and my husband does not have that pressure.  However, then I remember Bennett.  Sweet, perfect, little Bennett laying there in that little box and I think, I would trade with them in a heartbeat.  Bring on the sleepless nights, the financial hardship, the medical train wreck, bring it all.  It makes me smile to know that this family, the Hudsons, that is exactly their attitude.  They will take it all and move forward and pray for a miracle everyday and they do just that.  That my friends is why it is so easy for me to ask Him to send my miracles to Harrison today and tomorrow and next week.

Below is a website for this sweet little guy.  It tells his story and it will guide you to his facebook page and his caringbridge site.  I encourage you to read it for a multitude of reasons.  One, it is reminder of how precious life is and how healthy kids are a true miracle.  Two, it will give you something to really pray for and to watch as God answers those prayers as I know He will.  Finally, it will give you an opportunity to give to a family and see how your gift affects their lives.  How often we give openly, but never really see the affect we have had on others.  This is an opportunity to give and watch first hand as we strengthen a little boy's life and affect a family's future. 

hopeforharrison.org


I think about miracles and how many I have been blessed to see and be a part of.  I remember my sweet boy and then I look at my niece Savannah who was never expected and a miracle to our family and I smile at the thought of my sister.  I smile because I know it tickles her heart with every breath Savannah takes.  Today I am sharing my miracles with a few people that have touched my life and if you are in need of one, you are welcome to one of mine sweet friend, just let me know.  ;)

Pray for sweet Harrison and if it is on your heart to give, I hope that you will.

Love and Blessings!

Melanie