Today my heart is heavy, my soul is tired, my faith is tested and the world around me keeps on going. As I sit here at our Raggedy Anne and Andy table on a chair that is too small for my four pregnancy behind I sigh and wipe tears at the reality that is the new life of some of the ones I love. I feel lost as I have prayed incessantly for their families and yet today the Hudson's bury their sweet Harrison and today one of my best girls woke up without her mama. I can't help but question God's timing and wonder where he was this week. If I am completely honest, I don't understand any part of either plan. Of course I still trust, I still believe, I still walk faithfully. Yet it takes me back to March of last year when I was in my own hell wondering where God was. I have to imagine that two of the families that I care about are wondering the same today.
I realize that there are moments where we all question, where we all wonder what He is thinking. And though that makes me feel better about my own doubts, I still hang my head in shame.
Isaiah 25:8 tells us "He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken."
Psalm 34:18 tells us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"
I sit and I weep for their loss and wish that I did not understand, but I do. I understand completely what if feels like to love someone with your whole being and to have them taken from you too soon. I understand all to well what it feels like to have your life changed in a moment; a single, chaotic, uncontrollable moment that flashes like a nightmare rather than a reality. Once again the reality that we are not in control slaps me right in the face. Once again He shows me that His will is the only way. Once again I am humbled at the reality of His greatness and His power.
Love and Blessings Friends,
Please lift us the Hudson and Davis/Peeples families with me!!