Friday, April 8, 2011

Isaiah 25:8

Today my heart is heavy, my soul is tired, my faith is tested and the world around me keeps on going.  As I sit here at our Raggedy Anne and Andy table on a chair that is too small for my four pregnancy behind I sigh and wipe tears at the reality that is the new life of some of the ones I love.  I feel lost as I have prayed incessantly for their families and yet today the Hudson's bury their sweet Harrison and today one of my best girls woke up without her mama.  I can't help but question God's timing and wonder where he was this week.  If I am completely honest, I don't understand any part of either plan.  Of course I still trust, I still believe, I still walk faithfully.  Yet it takes me back to March of last year when I was in my own hell wondering where God was.  I have to imagine that two of the families that I care about are wondering the same today. 

I realize that there are moments where we all question, where we all wonder what He is thinking.  And though that makes me feel better about my own doubts, I still hang my head in shame. 

Isaiah 25:8  tells us "He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken."

Psalm 34:18 tells us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

Today I am praying for the faces and hearts of the people that I love.  The faces that are drowning in tears and the hearts that feels as if they will forever be broken.  I pray that He is there with them, wiping away their tears and holding them close.  I mourn the loss of baby Harrison and Mama Peeples and I wish I was closer to help or hold or hug as those that loved them the most greive. 
I sit and I weep for their loss and wish that I did not understand, but I do.  I understand completely what if feels like to love someone with your whole being and to have them taken from you too soon.  I understand all to well what it feels like to have your life changed in a moment;  a single, chaotic, uncontrollable moment that flashes like a nightmare rather than a reality.  Once again the reality that we are not in control slaps me right in the face.  Once again He shows me that His will is the only way.  Once again I am humbled at the reality of His greatness and His power. 
As I go into the afternoon that starts a weekend of new life for these families I can think only about the ones I love the most.  I am so thankful for every moment that I have with them.  I am so humbled that He has blessed me with my family and friends.  I am so grateful that, though loss has touched us so closely, He has spared so many that I love. 
Today I will hug my babies tight and tell my parents I love them.  Today my heart will break along with the Hudson family as they lay their boy to rest this afternoon.  Today I will shed more tears for my sweet girl than she will ever know.  I will do all of this and I will praise Him with my whole heart for all that He has done and all that He has yet to do in my life and in theirs.  
Love and Blessings Friends,
Please lift us the Hudson and Davis/Peeples families with me!! 

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