Monday, August 5, 2013

And the Lord said "STOP": Dear Petty Lane

And so again I find myself in a different house.  A house that holds our things and shelters our children but that I dare to call home. I look around at all of the "things" and wonder if this is really it, is this where we are meant to be living or have we once again missed His calling, missed His words guiding us on His path?? Did we actually get it right for once?  I stop to hear, begging to get at least a whisper of assurance and then I see.  I realize that He is showing me so clearly that I am missing it.  I laugh at myself as I glance through a handful of pictures on my phone giving me the peace and assurance that I am looking for everywhere else but right in front of me.  Peace.  Finally.  Rest.

I hear Him and He is telling me to STOP.  Stop here on Petty Lane.  Stop looking, stop searching, stop wondering what is next.  I know that I will never stop missing those that have known my heart since I was alive.
But this is to be my stopping place for now and though it feels like I am giving up on going "home" again, I realize that the reality is that I AM home.  I am home and the people that are here with me are the ones that He wants me to spend my time with, invest in, and enjoy at this point in my life. 
It will not stop me from missing the ones that I love and miss so much.  And yes winter will come and I will be as heartsick as I could possibly imagine for all of them. But this time it will be different, I will not be HOMEsick, because I will be home. 

Dear Petty Lane,

For two weeks you have held my family and though it has been full of chaos and constant work, it has been wonderful.  I walk around and realize that you are the place that I will watch my girls grow up.  You are the home that I will live in as they start school, learn to read, master bikes without training wheels, lose their first teeth.  I look outside and I see the tree house that is now full of pink hearts and lights but will one day be a place they go to write in their journal and hang up the posters of their latest movie star crush.

I see the yard where their daddy will teach them to hit and throw a ball, to swim, to run fast.
I see the porch where will we spend our Saturday mornings watching them ride bikes and scooters up and down the driveway. I think of the conversations we will have trying to make the best decisions for each of them over the next ten years and I smile and shake my head at what is coming. 

I look at our sweet Josie Hope and realize you will be the only home she remembers, the one she grows up in.  I am grateful that you have only a few stairs to worry about as she starts to crawl.  I am grateful for the yard that is fenced and the driveway that is long. 

You and I Petty Lane, we are going to be great friends.  I am going to cook on that fabulous gas stove in your kitchen more times than you could imagine, feeding the ones that I love the most.  I have no doubt there will be days that I like you less than I do today but I will forever be indebted to you for giving me peace and allowing me to rest here with you for longer than I have rested anywhere since we have moved to Tennessee.  We plan to fill you with Jesus, with Love, with Dreams, with a lot of Pink, and with more Fun than you could ever hope for!!

Get ready, here comes the Hall Family!!

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