Dear Friend Whom I Wish I Knew Better,
Yes you, you are the one that I am talking too. The one that is at home right now, kids on the bus, having coffee with a friend, getting ready for your yoga class. We are friends you and I. Good friends actually. But I do not see you much, nor do I get to join your tennis team or Thursday morning bible study. So we are probably not as close as we could be and in many ways that is disappointing to me. After all, I would love to learn to play tennis. Oh hell who am I kidding, I would suck at tennis. But let's say you were in a cookie club...THAT I could do. And the yoga class, I am in for that too.
Anyway, I thought I would take a moment and give you a glimpse of the inside of my home on any given day of the week. Wait on EVERY given day of the week. You see you probably think I am TOTALLY nuts for homeschooling. Well, my friend that I could be closer too if I had a life beyond my kids, I am here to tell you that you are exactly right.
Yep I said it. I am nuts, completely crazy. And getting more and more crazy as the year drifts on. And yes I like to know where my kids are and what they are doing at all times. No I do not trust all adults to take care of my kids. I cannot help it. I come from a long line of crazy....it was inevitable.
Oh my friend, I long for the two hours between 6 and 8 when you are up begging your kids to move their behinds, making lunches, checking for homework AGAIN. I dream of the crying before the bus comes and the list of symptoms that they rattle off daily just hoping they will get to the right one so that you will allow them to stay home. I fantasize about that moment. I do. You know the one I am talking about because you live it EVERYDAY. The moment when the bus door shuts, or the car door slams....yep that moment. Where the world is quiet and you think HOLY SHIT I have 8 hours!!!!!! Yeah I dream of that. Now, to your point, I am actually dreaming of that, literally, while you are living it because there is no 6 am wake up call at my house. And if the kids sleep until 7:30...well so does mama. But that is where my day trumps yours. That is the only place that I actually win. Well not the only place, but some days it sure feels like it.
So here it goes.....The Ugly Truth About A Day in the Life of Homeschool;
7:30 - 9:00 AM Breakfast, fruit, shakes, toast, eggs....maybe all of them.
Then I say in my sweetest teacher/mom voice..."hey girls why don't you go get your books and read a chapter before we start class." The younger of the two answers with a crisp yes ma'am. The older let's out a sigh, "accidentally" slams something and somehow on her way by manages to crush her sisters foot...also an accident. Youngest proceeds to read out loud....oldest reads to herself, disgusted that she is having to hear anyone else breathe while she reads...it is 9:30AM....you are having coffee and taking a hot, uninterrupted shower.
10:00 AM....in my calm yet not quite as sweet teacher voice (I can only take so much of the huffing and puffing) "Great job girls, I have fixed you a snack. Why don't you head upstairs and I will come up and we will do spelling" Both girls obey, oldest still disgusted, youngest annoyed. Meanwhile, the two year old is squishing blueberries between her fingers and sucking the water she has dumped on herself out of her bib.
10:15 AM....We have moved into the "school room" two year old included. Both girls are sitting ON the school table and they have started a craft. "Girls....(still calm here) could you please get off of the table, put the craft away, and get your notebooks out?" Crickets. "Girls, (not as calmly) NOW. Both girls respond, craft has been halted. I get out the spelling curriculum and read the first word. "WOULD, as in WOULD you like to play outside today?" The oldest rolls her eyes and writes the word. The youngest spells it out loud and answers the question "yes ma'am can we go after spelling?" I ignore the question because I have just noticed that the two year old has a barbie shoe in her mouth and am running to save her from choking to death. You are leaving for Yoga.
10:45 AM....spelling is complete. All of the sight words have been ripped off the wall by the two year old Onto Math. "Ok girls next we are going to do math. What do you want to start with?" Youngest "OH I want to start with flash cards!" Oldest "How about we start with NO MATH" We go with flash cards.
11:15....Math is over. Oldest has yelled at youngest for getting two right she missed. Youngest has won the game only because oldest has refused to answer the last three cards.
Oldest is now furious and wants a do over. We play again. Two year old has opened all 115 DVD's and taken them out of their cases.
11:45 This time oldest wins. Youngest is now crying. 2 year old has just colored all over her face with the orange dry erase marker. I spit in my hand and try and wipe it off...."GIRLS (there is no calm here) PLEASE get the history story and go over and sit on the couch." Both girls respond quickly noticing the lack of calmness. We sit on the sofa to begin the story. "Christopher Columbus had three ships....." I am interrupted by the oldest "Um mom?" "YES KAT" "I am sorry to interrupt you but Josie is standing on the TV stand" I throw the book, jump the toy box and save the two year old again..You have been in 45 minutes of uninterrupted hot yoga. You are relaxed, your body loves you and your ass looks better than mine.
12:15 History is over. Youngest is starving to death because she has not eaten in 2 hours, She has raised her hand three times during history to ask if it is lunch time yet. Oldest is now making a rainbow loom dress that she has been working on since the story began. Two year old has emptied all 543 crayons into the floor, 213 of them are now broken and one she has eaten. "Girls, (exhausted and defeated) let's go eat lunch and put the baby to bed." Insert screams of celebration here.
LunchYou are headed to sushi lunch with your BFF and yoga buddy. You have an hour and a half of nothing but time to chit chat. I am making PBJ for the kids and drinking a protein shake standing up.
12:45 Lunch is over...two year old has been hosed off and put into bed. The two school kids are putting together a United States of America puzzle and identifying the first 28 states we have been working on. They are giggling, they are singing it together and doing a great job. I stand in the kitchen and listen. Would I like to be eating sushi? Yep. The youngest comes in and says "Mom do you want to hear us sing the states song?" "I sure do (in my mommy voice) " They proceed to sing it together, pointing out the states and smiling. They high five when it is over and look at me. All of the crazy sits back for just a second and I remember why I do this everyday.
So my friend you see, I wish we were closer. And yes, I envy the size of your ass and the tone of your arms and even the sushi you ate today. But I don't have time for coffee and sushi. Not today, today I am going outside to play red light green light with my girls and then we will make some pop corn and play the "name that song" game. This is my life. I am a home school mom. I am crazy and I am proud of it.