Today it is damp and warm and overcast in Franklin TN. And that about sums up the way that I feel. Warm but cloudy and a little like rain. I am on the brink of laughter or tears depending on my next call, next email, next breath. My girls are asleep and my house is a mess. I should either be napping or cleaning but instead I came here for some therapy. I stopped here just for a moment to dump my thoughts and feelings so that I can continue with my routine and day filled with caring for others. Thank you for joining me in all of your chaos.
Today we (and by we I mean Doc and I) have saved the world, the planet and all of it's problems. We laugh at the absurdity of the fact that we get about 15 total minutes to talk on the best of days and 99 percent of the time we are either discussing a problem or talking about how we are going to fix it and most of the time it is someone else's problem! We have to laugh because we have 752 problems of our own that we are not even close to or capable of fixing. Yet in every spare thought, breath, brainstorm we are trying to make the life of someone we love easier, better, more tolerable.
Right before we got off the phone my sweet husband made the comment that usually all that we discuss is a waste of time or of breath for that matter. The truth is he is right. We cannot fix the problems of the day, the week, the month for that matter. You know why? Because wherever you go, however you get there, whatever you take with you or leave behind, THERE YOU ARE. That is all there is too it. We can lend a hand, a dollar, our time, our hearts, our advice, but we cannot change the person. We can change only the circumstances of the moment but not the future. The future is still up to them, not us. They are the common denominator and we cannot walk every step with them no matter how much we love them. There is only One that can take that walk. Oh how very frustrating that is for two people who just want everyone to be happy and feel good damn it!
So I sit here and am humbled by my life, my marriage, my Lord. I realize that it is because of my Lord and Him only that this world does not overcome me. I realize that wherever I go, there WE are (and by we I mean myself and Jesus). That is why I can tolerate loss, death, failure. That is why even when it feels like Satan in knocking on the door to our hearts my husband is capable of locking yet another dead bolt to keep him out. Our Lord protects us. We do not live for this world, we just get to enjoy it while we live for His and we realize that. What I know is that it is my faith that changes everything. It changes desperation to dependence, hopelessness to hope in Him, frustration to focus, loss to love and problems to peace. When all else fails, and all else DOES fail us all of the time, we are sturdy and confident in the love and strength of our Lord and that eliminates the fear of this world and replaces it with the fear of God. Amen!
You see my friends, wherever you go there you are. You and all of your baggage and anger and sadness. You and all of your past and present and your chaotic future. You can move, or remarry, you can change jobs or hair styles. You can blame, point fingers, make excuse for all that you have lost or missed. Regardless of any of that, it is still you, right there in the thick of things all alone or with Jesus. And that is one decision that is yours and only yours to make. You can choose to live without him, or you can choose to live for Him. Without him, it will always be you, alone, with whatever life you choose. And maybe it's a good life with little tragedy and frustration or maybe it is a life full of mess. Either way without him it will be this life and this life only. With him you get this life and the one beyond us that is more than we can ever imagine. With him you get peace and love and mercy even on the very worst days. You get a Savior when all is lost, a love when your marriage lets you down, a best friend when you have no one to turn too. With him where ever you go, there YOU are. Both of you. And in my experience two is better than one ;).
Scripture tells us:
25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Matthew 25-34 The Message
The worries of this world are not important, and that is what we understand here on Tom Anderson Road, most days. Are there days that we lose site of that? Of course. Are there days that I feel like we are missing out and want more "things" absolutely! But what I know in my heart, because Jesus lives there, is that none of this really matters. His Kingdom, my marriage, my children, are the things that should keep my focus. I know that if I remember that and remind myself of that every day then all of the crap will not overwhelm me. If I let Him walk with me all of the "stuff" will not consume me. If my focus is on Him and His Kingdom then I can enjoy my life regardless of what I feel I missed or lost knowing that all of that and more is waiting for me!!
Why walk alone when you can be carried when you are tired or hurt or broken? Why turn away for a Savior that gave His life for yours to be complete? Doc and I love our lives and we love the people in it but we there is only One that can fulfill them, only One that can complete them and we need to be reminded of that just as much as they do.