Fried Banana Pies

This weekend, as a family we made a big decision.  A decision that will affect the rest of our lives, a decision that required a lot of prayer, a decision that was difficult and draining, a decision that we would have rather God just make for us.  I supposed in His own way, He did. 

Last night as I sat on this beat up couch with my husband I read Joyce Meyer's book "The Secret To True Happiness".  If you haven't read it, I can tell you from the first four chapters, you should.  I am not a big underliner for the lack of a better term.  I don't highlight as I read or take notes and the only journal I have is this one that I let everyone read.  But as I was reading I asked Doc to borrow his pen and I underlined the following:

"Much of life takes place when no one is looking; and God works in our lives during the ordinary times".

Duh.  Right?  I mean daily we strive for EXTRAordinary yet God is working in the ordinary.  So why are we working so hard? Missing so much of today trying to get to tomorrow.  Not far down page 6 of this book I again used the pen and underlined the following;

"True life is really not found in arriving at a destination; it is found in the journey". 

Thank you Joyce!  If there was anything that I needed to hear on Sunday March 27, 2011 after 15 days of talking and discussing and making BIG choices it was that!  I took a deep breath.  I looked at the man opposite me and smile at his sweet bald head and those giant dimples.  I giggled inside at my dirty kitchen and thought to myself "who cares Melanie? I mean really no one in the entire world knows that your kitchen is dirty but you and him and he doesn't care!" 

Doc and I want to do EXTRAordinary things, we want to live EXTRAordinary lives, we spends days and weeks and months talking about how to get out of the ordinary and into the EXTRAordinary! Why?  I guess because we think we will be happier?  Honestly, I don't know why.  I would say society pushes us to that but honestly, I think that is a LAME excuse for anything so I am not going to use it here. 

As I sat last night reading I thought about the things that make us happy, I mean really happy.  Our girls playing, our family visiting, laughing with each other, time on the couch with hot chocolate and the food channel, swing sets and barbecues and fried banana pies.  These are the things that make us happy, make us feel good, that light up our lives.  And you know what?  We have all of those things.  Everyday. So we should wake up skipping and dive into the bed at night giggling. 

Solomon (the wisest man EVER) tells us in Ecclesiastes chapter 5:  "Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is for one to eat and drink and to find enjoyment in all the labor in which he labors under the sun all the days which God gives him".

Translated from The Message: After looking at the way things are on this earth, here's what I've decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that's about it.

And that is about it folks.  That is all. Enjoy it.  Whatever it is.  I get it. I didn't get a vacation and you did.  I have friends with more money, less debt, skinnier, heavier, more kids, no kids, great husband, no husbands, big houses, nice cars, no car, great parents, no parents, bad parents.  I have friends that from the outside seem to have it made, but on the inside they fight disease and addiction and have marriages falling apart. My point? No one lives the same life and no one's life is perfect.  Some got dealt a better hand and some would trade with you in a heartbeat.  But what the bible, the Lord, our SAVIOR tells us to do is to enjoy OUR lives!!  The one that we have, because that is the only one we get and it is a waste of time wishing for someone else's, it is just not going to happen. 

So that is what I plan to do.  I plan enjoy my life, today, right now.  I don't want yours and even if I did I can't have it.  What I have are two beautiful little girls and a man that's day can be made with a fried banana pie.  It takes me 15 minutes to make a fried banana pie.  So if you ask me, I ought to wake up skipping and go to bed giggling. 

Love and Blessings!
Melanie

C'mon April!!

There are only about a thousand things going on in my head.  None of which I have the patience to put into words worth reading.  I will say that I am ecstatic that the sun is shining today.  It gives me hope that this area which we call Middle TN will not be cold forever and that one day we will be able to go outside without a toboggan on the head of my littlest one. 

I have been waiting to blog, waiting for something exciting, special, wonderful, horrible, sad, stressful, fun to talk about.  And today I realized that I have none of these things and all of these thing everyday, so why not write? 

It is the middle of March and time is going by so quickly that I fear that I will wake up and be 50 and not even remember what happened yesterday.  We speed through these days dreaming, hoping, wishing for better, for more, for everything.  Yet we wake up and we are exactly where we were the day before and cannot ever seem to get ahead.  Is this life for everyone? I have no idea.  It doesn't seem like it from where we stand.  It seems like the fast flying days go by in our dressed up turd (as we like to call our house) while everyone else plans vacations that we cannot afford and buys cute clothes for the spring that will never grace my wardrobe.  It feels like we are in March.  March the month that we just cannot seem to get away from.  The month that sucked for us last year and somehow has managed again to suck for us in 2011.  I am certain a lot of it has to do with perspective, attitude, outlook.  But at the same time looking in or out, it is just not a barrel of fun around the Hall house. 

We have lights on in cars and heat that doesn't work (which shouldn't matter except that is is in the 40's still at night in this damn state).  We have a condo in ATL that will sit empty in two weeks and a mtg to pay on it. We have bills and loans and a business that we have no idea what to do with.  We want to move closer and father away and we cannot afford either but that doesn't matter because we can't even make a decision if we could afford it!  We have people we want to help and spend endless hours trying to figure out how while they are oblivious at how much we really care.  And selfishly I wonder "are they even worried about us? Do they have any idea what we are going through"??  We live in a house that we don't like in a state that we have never felt at home in with a business that has been blessed but we cannot enjoy  it because of the house and the state. 

I think about all that we have been through since we have moved and all that we are going through now and then I think of Kate or Harrison and I laugh at the obsurdity of my selfishness and cry at the horror of my greed.  I mean really?  There are people with babies that cannot swallow Melanie!! There are families with 7 year olds fighting brain cancer!! REALLY!?  I am upset about money? Housing? Location? I am angry about what? I think on some days I am completely justified.  I mean all I really want is to feel settled in a state I have lived in for almost 2 years, a home for my kids, my husband to be home to eat dinner and a house full of babies none of which I have.  I feel sorry for myself thinking about a family who just had their 5th baby.  I wanted 5 babies.  I have had 4 but there are only two asleep in the room next to me.  I am anxious and frustrated and tired and unsettled and scared and angry and all of it is selfish and none of it I am proud of.  But I still feel that way. 

So I pray and I ask Him for help.  I ask for guidance and relief and answers and patience and I ask for more.  More of everything because that is what we think we need right? But what I have figured out is that I need less.  Less of all of it.  Less stress, less stuff, less dreams, less chaos, less appointments, less obligations, less pressure.  Less.  I like simple. I like easy.  I like less and that is what I am praying for today.
 
"Lord, please give me less.  Please take all of this and help me to trust you to take care of it for me. Carry me so that I do not have to pick a direction.  Allow me to rest and make my decisions for me.  I trust you and know that you know what is best for me and my family. Amen"

That is my prayer today. That is my prayer this week. 

Melanie