Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Moments Of Peace

Hello friends. I am sure you have noticed that I renamed the blog. Being a blog beginner, I did not realize that you could have a different name and web address, nor did I know what I really wanted to name the blog, I just wanted to get started. So for about 1000 reasons, and with the help of Doc (thanks baby), I decided to go with Moments Of Peace. This morning I was reminded how appropriate that was. Obviously as a mother of two toddlers (Presley is getting around just fine now) I do not have many moments of peace. So, the name probably seems ridiculous.

However, daily peace was never what this blog was about. This blog was about peace for my soul, peace for my heart that was broken in March, and peace from the chaos that is the memories of the loss of our son. That is why I started writing, that is why I am writing today. We are nine weeks from our due date, which means about 7 weeks from holding our son (we come early every time!)and yet there is no belly, there are no uncomfortable nights, no kicks, no birthing kit, no pool to be tested and no plans to be made because there is no baby. He has already come and he has already gone home to Jesus. The irony is that as much peace as this brings me, it does not take away the physical emptiness that haunts me. There is something unexplainable about the way you feel when you should be pregnant but aren't. All I can tell you is that I am praying that is subsides once the due date has passed.
As I am writing Presley looks up at me and smiles with her giant blue eyes and I know that all is as it should be. I am blessed beyond measure and I realize that. I will be grateful everyday and anticipate holding that baby boy when I get to heaven. In the mean time I will long for and rejoice in the Moments Of Peace that my Lord allows me while I grieve for the loss of my sweet Bennett.

Thank you friends for being with me through this season of my life, I appreciate you more than you know and I pray for each of you every day! Have a wonderful day.


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