Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Psalm 118:24

Yesterday I was reading the caring bridge journal of the daughter of a dear friend of mine who fought leukemia and won.  I knew of her battle, but had not been around for it and wanted to really understand what they had been through (as best I could without having been there of course!).  I started at the first entry and worked my way about half way through the journal before I was distracted by my sweet toddlers waking from their naps.  It was unreal.  Of course the strength of my friend and her husband were mind blowing.  Between their strength, endurance and their faith in our Lord throughout the process I was blown away.  But the most amazing part was K.  I read and read, gathering details of what this 14 year old little girl was going through mentally and physically (knowing that I could not begin to grasp the emotional turmoil so I did not even try).  I thought to myself seriously!?  I don't even know an adult that could take what she did and not give up!  Honestly, it was awful.  I read and cried and thought of this beautiful, sweet young woman.  When you look at her today, you would have no idea that she had been through hell unless you had been told.

Let me tell you something friends, I have had a tough year.  I have moved away from my family with two babies.  I have watched my husband struggle to start a business, we have been broke, lonely, frustrated and at times just plain pissed.  I have been sick for 7 months. I lost my baby boy at home and had to bury him in a state that I wished I had never even moved too.  My body is just now ALMOST healed from everything it has been through in the last year and my soul still has some ground to cover.  But the truth is I have never endured anything CLOSE to what this young lady and her parents have been through and recovered from.  It's usually someone else's struggle that put yours into perspective isn't it?  I realized as I read the journey of this sweet girl that I have no idea what it is like to be sick.  I have no idea what it is like to be scared, or sad or hopeless.  I mean sure, I have felt all of those emotions, but not at the level that they are capable of being felt.  

I lost a baby boy in March.  One that I never even got hold.  To some that would be a relief, and I understand that. I get that losing a child that you have spent life with is completely different than losing one that you have only carried.  To me it feels like I just got screwed out of a moment that was mine.  Just one, but it's out there and I missed it.  The entire experience has changed my life, my attitude, my outlook.  But what I realize more and more everyday is how God has graciously spared me from so much pain and heartache and for that I am thankful. 

What a blessing, the life of K.  To come that close to losing it only to be here to tell about it and share your testimony.  How precious every moment must be to her and to her parents who watched her fight for it!!  I have no idea how they felt.  I will not for a moment pretend that I know.  Instead I will be grateful that I don't know and cherish each day that I continue to be clueless of that kind of fear and pain. 

I pray for those that I know that hang onto moments of sadness and pain, that think their lives have been lost in those moments and cannot move forward from them.  I pray that they will understand that most of them, though they have felt pain or loss, truly have been spared by their Lord and rather than feeling sadness, should feel joy.  Look around you friends, look at the babies you love, look at the blessings you still have rather than what is gone, look at the people that love you and enjoy all of it! 

We have no idea what tomorrow will bring and we cannot get back what is lost, but today is "the day our Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it"! psalm 118:24 

Love and Blessing,

p.s.  thank you for sharing your story K, you are truly an inspiring young woman and a beautiful testament to faith in our Lord. 

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