I finished my book, the one that I was telling you about a few days ago. Just to refresh, this book was about a woman who had three little girls and was pregnant with her fourth. She knew before the birth of baby Audrey that Audrey was not going to live for long, if at all, outside of the womb. Audrey was born 4/7/08 and lived for just over 2 hours. It is a wonderful book if you have lost a child of any age or if you know someone that has and are walking along side them while they grieve. "I Will Carry You", by Angie Smith.
Anyway, as the Lord would have it in His amazing timing, I finished the book last night. In many ways it did make me feel better, less alone, less crazy for grieving as I have, as I am. In other ways it brought forth a lot of the feelings that I have been holding back as I push through each day filling my mommy and wife duties with a smile on my face. As Doc said this morning, "I was really hoping the book would make you feel BETTER. Maybe you should stop reading for a while". Of course he was half kidding trying to make me smile.
As I am sure you have gathered, I woke up in a pretty bad mood. Understand, that finishing the book was met with news, that in the wee hours of the morning, our friends had given birth to their third baby boy. Needless to say, I was emotional.
So this morning I cooked, cleaned, and wiped butts as I talked to one of my dearest and closest friends and cried, again. Some people know just what to say, others know what not to say and Sam is one of the others. I appreciate her more than she knows. Here's where it gets good. After I spoke with Sam, I decided to go for the first time and look up Angie Smith's blog, Bring on the Rain: http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/. I thought that maybe this would bring me some comfort, some insight to life after loss, or maybe I would find a friend. There was already an entry for today. I have posted it below:
Thursday, May 20, 2010:
Hello everyone. This is Jessica and I just wanted to quickly post that Angie had Charlotte last night at 10:38. She weighs 5 lbs, 13 oz and is 19 inches long. She has strawberry blondish/red hair and is simply adorable! She has sweetest little face and the cutest pouty mouth and button nose
She was blessed with another baby, another girl, and they were both healthy!! What an amazing God we have, one that gives and takes away in His perfect timing. Today I found hope in another woman's journey through joy and sorrow. Hope that I desperately needed. Hope that was timed perfectly, as only He could do. I thought I would share with you, my moment of joy, while praying that if you too are in a time of sorrow it will soften your heart.
Rv:21:4: And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
Have a blessed and hopeful day my sweet friends.
Good Morning my darling girl. Just "clicked" over to your blog and am thrilled to see its beginning. I too have journeyed through very dark times regarding losing children. God still has great things that Katherine needs to accomplish because while walking in the darkness as it felt, she did make it to the other side but there were so many who did not.ReplyDelete
The bright halls of the Children's Hospital closed in on me because I could not fix it, I could not take the pain away, however, it would meet moms out in the hallway and sit on the floor sometimes until 2:00 a.m. and eat chicken noodle soup with potato chips in it and just talk, cry even get angry.
God also allowed me to set in a room with my best friend while she learned that her sweet Jason would not make it once he was delivered. As I held her, I keep waiting for the doctor to tell us how they were going to fix it, they could not, I felt like I was in a dream. On that very day 21 years ago, I felt like, here it is, I am truly all grown up, an adult and I hate it. But God allowed me, little ole me to be there to hold Brenda and then one year and five months later I was in the delivery room when Matthew David Smith was born. God filled me with such joy I could hardly hold it.
I know the days, nights seem dark and full of emotion. But each day is a gift that you now can give to others because you understand, you have been there and you care to give hope. I read a book by Ike Reighard called Treasures in The Dark. It is about life and hope when everything seems to be gone in just a blink of an eye and how God is Good, always good.
Love you girl and pray you have a wonderful weekend.
Great post thanks for sharing itReplyDelete